You are not alone SD. My mom doesn't have dementia, but almost every heart ailment there is. She is incontinent, and goes on a temper tantrum whenever she leaks a little bit. I am giving her care at my house 24/7. If I have to, I just walk away until she calms down or she calls for me. The frustration and screaming can't be good for her heart, and I'm afraid she is going to explode one too many times. This may not be the best strategy, but it seems to work for me. My mom's mobility has steadily declined in the 4 months I've had her. I'm hoping PT can help with that especially since she we won't let me lift her (the nurse showed me how to do it safely). Maybe she will listen to PT? I can only hope. I can't seem to get an answer on when to call in home hospice care. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Best wishes your situation improves.
Medicare criteria for hospice start with a signed statement by an MD that a person with this combination of illnesses may reasonably be expected to pass away within the next 6 months. It does not mean that a person absolutely will die in 6 months. Folks sometimes improve on hospice and graduate, some folks decline in slow but measurable and steady ways. And the person must have a 'hospice qualifying diagnosis" - ie, COVID is not, but end stage cardiac function can be. She may have vascular dementia due to poor oxygen to the brain and other organs, with cardiac impairments. Every hospice has an outreach team. This is also marketing, so I'd recommend a non profit hospice or one associated with a medical care system. Call your local Agency on Aging (google eldercare locator) for information about resources in your area outside of what Medicare covers. Medicare doesn't cover maintenance care, and that sounds like what she needs.
I had to realize that my parent’s behavior is not going to improve. I have had to get up and walk away. Distance myself at times. It’s heartbreaking. I once confronted my mother about her comments. She turned the tables on me and said, “ I never spoke to my mother like that!” It was totally mind boggling! I have learned to immediately get off the phone or walk away. I understand how you feel. It truly hurts.
You get up and walk away. Even if you only just arrived 2 minutes ago. We teach people how to treat us. End the visit and leave. And let her know why you are ending the visit.
The book Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud has been a tremendous help to me and many others here. I hope you’ll read it and place personal boundaries to protect yourself from any further hurt. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience
It does not mean that a person absolutely will die in 6 months. Folks sometimes improve on hospice and graduate, some folks decline in slow but measurable and steady ways.
And the person must have a 'hospice qualifying diagnosis" - ie, COVID is not, but end stage cardiac function can be. She may have vascular dementia due to poor oxygen to the brain and other organs, with cardiac impairments.
Every hospice has an outreach team. This is also marketing, so I'd recommend a non profit hospice or one associated with a medical care system.
Call your local Agency on Aging (google eldercare locator) for information about resources in your area outside of what Medicare covers. Medicare doesn't cover maintenance care, and that sounds like what she needs.