MIL won't eat, bathe, or go to dr apt. She always had eating disorder and was a hermit. She wants to sit alone all the time and watch news. When she has seen dr in past, she does very well with normal questions they ask like who's the president, yet didn't remember it was her bday last week. She thinks dr and insurance companies are a scam so the few times we've gotten her to go to dr, she refuses follow up apts. lately she refuses to bathe or wash up even. We bought ensure to supplement her tiny diet(again, according to her sister, anorexia began in teen yrs) and now the only things we can get her to eat is ice cream and ensure! She blames us for not eating, coming up with any one thing she doesn't have on that day, such as a new loaf of bread, however for past 6wk we bought new bread and threw each loaf away untouched! I spend an average of $300 every 2 wk on her grocery lists(this does not include the ensure and things that we buy in bulk) but 99% ends up rotting and never takes a single bite! She lives alone in one of those neighborhoods that have changed dramatically over past 20yr, but REFUSES to move, especially if it's a place that she can't sit in front of TV and smoke!!!
We have absolutely ZERO help with her. She has an older child(only daughter) who is a hard core meth addict and only comes around if she's stealing something or trying to get money. We have power of atty for her and after struggling a few years finally got her checkbook away from her bc she was writing so many large checks to her daughter that her water would get disconnected bc she didn't have funds left to pay her own bills! But luckily, we've gotten that part of things under control. Now we are afraid if someone sees how skinny and dirty she is, that we could get in some sort of trouble for elder abuse. On the other hand we've been told since she's 'of sound mind' we can't FORCE an adult to do anything they don't want to do????
I'm at my wits end trying to do what's best for her with nothing but fighting from her. My mother has Alz and is so much easier to take care of than my MIL!! Any advice you may have would be greatly appreciated. Again, we can't even get her to go to the dr for years at a time and a few times when we've actually gotten her to an office if it's extremely busy, she's freaked out and left. I just don't know where to turn for help for her as well as protecting us from any abuse allegations! It should be clear to the outside world we aren't elder abusers, we help take care of both my mother and my grandmother as well. they are both clean, well fed, go to all their apts, live in clean houses....It's just his mother refuses all these things, even fights us when we try to clean at her house! Can't handle anyone in her home more than 30min at a time without getting very anxious and upset.