How do we get the hospital to keep mom?
89yo parents. Mom has been on hospice care for a year. Dad is at his wit's end. Mom had a major personality change starting three weeks ago. Aggressive, violent, threatening. My first thought was UTI but it was dismissed.
Hospice was in the process of the paperwork at their home on Wednesday to put her in emergency respite care because dad needs a break, when mom picked up a can of pesticide and sprayed him in the face (this is an example of the behavior he has been dealing with for three weeks). This dq'd her from respite care so the hospice nurse sent her to the ER. They discharged her the next morning, said nothing was wrong with her.
Yesterday (Friday) was horrible. She left feces all over her room, while dad was cleaning that up, she went to other rooms and spread it all over walls, chairs, counters, you name it. She tried to push him down the steps, she hit him in the back enough to take his breath away. When the hospice nurse arrived, mom was outside half naked yelling and screaming (dad was inside cleaning up feces). They sent her back to the hospital, hospital called dad at 9:30 last night to come pick her up. He refused (doesn't drive in the dark and has trouble staying awake). He picked her up this morning, she is combative, refusing to take the meds for the UTI they now have diagnosed.
Nursing homes are closed, hospital won't keep, and she may very well kill dad if left in their house. Any suggestions? There is an appt Monday for a nursing agency to come in, but at $23.00 an hour, my dad isn't willing to pay for what is needed -- round-the-clock care.
If she's not having a reaction to a medication, which is doubtful, she can be having a psychotic break or something like that. A pscyh hospital is the best place for her right now, so a qualified doctor can try to figure out what's going on and get her back to thinking/behaving on an even keel.
A 'rest home' is the very best place for mom now, and it will give dad a well deserved and needed break from all the hysteria.
Wishing you the very best of luck moving forward, for you and your whole family. Sending you a hug & a prayer for peace.
Dad should NOT go and pick her up.
I want to encourage you to keep her in the facility. Dad can go visit and then get a break from the situation. Bringing her home is just not fair to dad and she obviously needs more care than he can provide, making it unfair to her as well. You said he is traumatized, that doesn't just go away and he will not be able to relax with her in the house, putting him at greater risk of having a serious medical event. Please encourage him to keep her in the facility. She can go back on hospice and stay in the facility getting her needs met, he can sleep knowing she won't be after him with a knife, win-win.
I Baker Acted my daughter when she was 19 (even though she was no longer a minor) b/c she was abusing drugs and completely out of control--suicide threats nonstop, etc.
Hardest thing I've ever done. And the best.
I needed her gone---and she needed to be somewhere she was watched and treated. When I made it about HER needs, not mine, the hospital reacted differently--I wasn't just a burned out mom, SHE was a sick adult child.
From 14 days in there to detox and have meds adjusted--(the calmest 2 weeks of my life!) she had to appear before a judge to determine her next step. She could have gone to a psych ward setting for 3+ months---and she knew it. She was allowed to come home with the caveat that she get therapy and stay on her meds.
With your mom, it is more likely they will treat her UTI and evaluate her condition. If she improves much, they may simply transfer her to another 'facility'--during the time she's in the psych ward, these decisions can be made.
She's passed over the line from 'kooky' to 'dangerous'. Your poor dad.
I don't know why they wouldn't continue Hospice, but that is not really the most pressing point.
She could kill your father--or seriously wound him. Best to head her off at the pass, so to speak and get her in a psych ward setting soon.
Is she this hostile towards anyone besides your dad? A CG coming in may just make her worse. I worked EC and I would have walked out the door if my clients were at the 'fecal art' stage.
Good Luck. Be there for dad. Even tho mom is off the rails, he still loves her, I'm sure and this is breaking his heart.
Do you not see the need for psych meds for folks with demented and broken brains so that they can live in some kind of peace with their loved ones?
Because he was going to arrange for her to go to assisted living.
She died in jail.
Old age and death isnt what Hollywood depicts...saintly, calm elderly folks gazing upward at the light and being held by their adoring children.
The best depiction of an actual death that I've ever seen dramatized is that of the Mother Superiour in Poulenc's opera the Dialogues of the Carmelites. It depicts a woman of great faith, dying, in pain, agitated and violent, a doctor who will not increase her medication because it might tip over the line and kill her. She dies, gasping, losing her faith and thrashing. Hard to watch and terribly accurate.
I think that dying in a nursing home, with professional care and hospice at your side with morphine to ease pain is EXACTLY what I want.
I would not want to burden my husband or my children with caring for me if I became violent.
Yes, I would call the police, they will get her into a psych facility.
Some difficult discussions need to be had with Dad. I wish you luck. Please keep us posted.
I think I'd be grateful for that, actually. The poor man need a rest.