Mom really thinks she baths everyday and isn't incontinent. She refuses help and has been in AL for nearly 3 yrs. with Alzheimer's/Dementia. When we moved her there she was the social butterfly and very happy. Her disease is progressing and in the past 6-8 months she has completely stopped doing anything with others. She sits in her chair all day, and refuses to go to the dining room for meals. Most days she never dresses, and staff has tried everything to get her to do so. She refuses help taking a shower, and says she takes one everyday, but she doesn't. She's gotten incontinent and refuses to wear her depends to bed at night, or during the day if she doesn't have clothes on. She has accidents when she gets up to go to the bathroom, but swears she doesn't. When she does agree to a shower (seldom) she WILL NOT let anyone help wash her, and she isn't able to do a good job herself. Her room stinks. According to the director of nursing, she really wouldn't benefit from being moved to the locked memory care unit, because she's not an exit risk, and so far hasn't been violent. They feel the move would do her more harm than good. She's in a wonderful facility, and they do everything they can to try and convince her to do what needs to be done, but as I said, she really believes she is taking care of herself, and doesn't need help. She has excuses everyday about why she can't get dressed, like "I'm going to relax today, and don't really want to get dressed", or "It's too cold to get undressed, I'm warmer in my robe", or "I think I'm coming down with something". Her doctor has said this isn't terribly unusual behavior for the ALZ patient, and that by law they can't force her to go to meals, dress or bathe. I've tried going over there to try to get her to do these things and she gets nasty with me. It's been suggested that I hire someone to come in to her room everyday at the same time for about an hour or so to do nothing more than be her "special" helper for her hygiene. The doctor thinks that if she has the same person at the same time everyday, and she grows to really like and trust that person, she may agree to the help.
Has anyone else dealt with this? What ideas and such do you suggest, or what has worked for you?
I'm getting desperate.