How do grandma and I get great grandma into a nursing home? She DOES NOT want to go.

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Great grandma is 88, has a little dog she forgets about, forgets to cook, get very angry for no reason, I've been living with her, but she refuses to let me help, Its all I want to do. Grandma took her car away since she had been driving without a license. Both a home health nurse and social worker agree she should go into a home. But, she DOES NOT want to go. How do we make it work? She refuses help, our last option is a nursing home. How do we get her there?

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This sounds like a case in California a few years ago. Young woman living with great aunt and supposed to take care of her. BUT great aunt had the kind of medical problems that really cannot be dealt with at home (unless you hire 3 shifts of skilled nurses). Since great aunt refused to consider a facility and wanted to die at home, family put the burden on the young woman and just went along. Long story short, great aunt dies, medical examiner reports neglect and young woman ends up in jail. Took about a year before criminal case went to court and jury refused to convict her. The point is, The point is great aunt wanted what she wanted, family went along and saddled this young woman with an impossible job. Maybe this is how it is done in the old country, but there are legal considerations for a caregiver who is trying to deal with a impossible situation. What do people do with an elder that just "wants to die at home?" Seriously. If they are competent they have that right - so we just wait until the body decomposes and the Health Dept. is called? Something really does not compute. What are the family expected to do here?
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If you don't get her in a home you'll be put in jail for neglecting her, 24:7 care is needed it is a tremendous stress on caregiver my advice get her in a home fast! This crap kills the caregiver the elderly should always be with a son or daughter never put this on a friend or grand child
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Jeannegibbs asks some good questions . You must be young, no? Taking on an elder is a lot of responsibility. Reverseroles paints a nice picture and it can be but it can also be very hard. Not a decision to be made lightly. Some people think that nursing homes are horrible but I have found that as long as you keep in tough with your loved one and visit as often as you can and keep tabs on the staff it can be a wonderful arrangement. One where you can focus more on the love your great grandma deserves instead of a constant battle of wills. It may take time to adjust though.
Good luck to great grandma and grandma and you!!!!
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Molly, can you take care of her dog? Can you prepare the meals? Can you calm her down when she is angry? When you say that she won't let you help, what kinds of things won't she allow? What are her impairments -- for example, does she have trouble walking? Does she have dementia?

Are you home all day, or do you work or go to school? If you are absent, how does she get along? This could go on another 5 to 10 years. Are you planning to stay there that long?

Is it her home you both live in?

It sounds like she either needs help in her home, or needs to be where help is readily available. And it sounds like she doesn't want either. This is a very hard situation.

Please give a few more details and maybe someone will have more specific responses.
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IF she doesnt want to go, and you live there, why make her? They arent watched any better so she will still be in danger of falling, illnesses and infections. My Mom didnt want to go either and she is living with us. Yes its hard on us but she is comfortable and wakes up laughing in her sleep, very happy although pretty much non verbal and cannot walk. Think about it, you could even get paid for caring for her at home. Good luck
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Thanks! My grandmother has this, and has for a while. She does qualify and hopefully we place her in a nursing home soon. She's become a danger.
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DPOA is a durable power of attorney someone has on behalf of someone else in case they cannot make decisions for themselves either temporarily or permanently. It usually takes two doctor's evaluation to declare an elderly person incompetent. You can also go to court, but then someone would have to agree to become your great grandmother's guardian. Does she qualify for medicaid? If not, who will pay for the cost of nursing home care?
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Debralee- how would she be declared incompetent and what is a DPOA?
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Unless she is declared incompetent and and you have a DPOA, there is very little you can do. Most elderly people exercise their right to choose without considering how it affects others. Until something serious happens you will have to wait it out, then scramble to pick up the pieces looking for a placement for her to live.
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