Mom is 90 with vascular dementia living independently in an apartment for the elderly and disabled people. One adult child lives a few miles from her and the other two have lived in different states for many years. Most of mom's care falls on the one living closest, with monthly visits from one of the other two. For all of her life, she has rarely traveled as she is content at home and likes her independence and privacy.
My sibling that lives three hours away from mom wants her to move into their home. Space is not a problem but there are 7 people living in the house, including 5 children ages 12-20. My suggestion was discussing this with mom and having a trial period for a few weeks for all to adjust to the changes, which was met with some reluctance and disagreement.
While trying to make a decision on what is best for mom, when she can no longer live independently, the cost of a Personal Care facility is not financially feasible but Assisted Living may be with Medicare help. Due to COVID, we do not want her in any facility right now but must begin to explore future options knowing multiple moves will be detrimental to her.
How do we decide on a parent's next level of care when there is disagreement among siblings? I do not want a family feud but rather a compromise we can all live with.
I appreciate any anecdotes, research or suggestions.