We love Mom more than anyone in the world. She either lays in her bed....or may go to dinner with Dad. She is so angry. They went from a house to a 1 bedroom. Dad is independent and lives there. She's making Dad and I SO ...angry. It's exhausting.
How long has she been there? It can take a while to get adjusted. Imagine if someone moved you out of your house, maybe one you have been in for 20, 30 or more years and plunked you in a 1 bedroom apartment in a different country where you did not know the language.. How would you feel? Angry? Scared? Now imagine that your brain already isn't working the way it should and you don't understand the WHY all this is happening. (this is why I added picturing you being m oved to a different country...because you can't understand why you were moved)
There are medications that can help with depression and anxiety. There are Support Groups, books and Videos that can begin to help you and your dad understand what is going on with your mom. Her world is going to get smaller and smaller. making decisions is difficult for her. She is afraid to make mistakes. All these "new people" around her in her mind it is exhausting to keep up appearances that she is "ok".
give mom a break. Tell her that you are not angry, tell her you love her and that she is safe.
And a side comment...As a Care manager you should be able to help clients through this very same thing. If you are not familiar with dementia and the various problems associated you might want to educate yourself so you can better help clients. (sorry if I am off base on this, I know it is different dealing with other families than when dealing with your own)
She will adjust eventually. You have taken her from what is familar to what isn't. Does Dad live with her or in an independent section? All you can do is keep trying. Do not ask her if she wants to do something she will say no. Just do it " Mom we are going to go sit out on the porch" or "out to the garden" or "Mom lets go see the flowers". Dad should be the one incouraging her.
Your mom sounds depressed which can show up as anger. Speak to her doctor about antidepressants. My mother did very well with Wellbutrin which had to be upped to the max dose when her dementia advanced. It really did help her become LESS miserable in general.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your mother. Your dad can benefit from this book as well.
Give her time. It's got to be a big adjustment. I'd love to downsize my house into a "Tiny House" myself. Your Dad is going to have to deal with her eventually.
Mom may start realizing the lack of cooking, dishes and constant housework is a well deserved break.
It's more emotionally frustrating than anything. I have hypertension, so when I get frustrated or mad, my blood pressure spikes. I've gotten good at controlling my temper to survive.
When was the last time your mom’s decline was assessed? Read a bit about the stages and see if you feel she is still at stage 2.
This is a great website for caregivers. I encourage you to explore it. The page this link opens to is a guide for understanding dememtia behaviors.
Quite often a change in location will cause the dememtia to advance. Your mom may be confused about where she is and what is expected of her. Be sure to share this with dad.
It can take a while to get adjusted.
Imagine if someone moved you out of your house, maybe one you have been in for 20, 30 or more years and plunked you in a 1 bedroom apartment in a different country where you did not know the language.. How would you feel? Angry? Scared? Now imagine that your brain already isn't working the way it should and you don't understand the WHY all this is happening. (this is why I added picturing you being m oved to a different country...because you can't understand why you were moved)
There are medications that can help with depression and anxiety.
There are Support Groups, books and Videos that can begin to help you and your dad understand what is going on with your mom.
Her world is going to get smaller and smaller.
making decisions is difficult for her.
She is afraid to make mistakes.
All these "new people" around her in her mind it is exhausting to keep up appearances that she is "ok".
give mom a break.
Tell her that you are not angry, tell her you love her and that she is safe.
And a side comment...As a Care manager you should be able to help clients through this very same thing. If you are not familiar with dementia and the various problems associated you might want to educate yourself so you can better help clients. (sorry if I am off base on this, I know it is different dealing with other families than when dealing with your own)
I would have the POA discuss with the doctor whether or not a low dose anti-depressant may be a good idea.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your mother. Your dad can benefit from this book as well.
Best of luck to you.
Mom may start realizing the lack of cooking, dishes and constant housework is a well deserved break.
It's more emotionally frustrating than anything. I have hypertension, so when I get frustrated or mad, my blood pressure spikes. I've gotten good at controlling my temper to survive.
Everyone has given good advice.
Anger comes before acceptance.
Who can she safely express her anger to? Is there a Social Worker, Therapist, Pastural Care Worker?
This is a great website for caregivers. I encourage you to explore it. The page this link opens to is a guide for understanding dememtia behaviors.
Quite often a change in location will cause the dememtia to advance. Your mom may be confused about where she is and what is expected of her. Be sure to share this with dad.
https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregivers-guide-understanding-dementia-behaviors/#ten-tips
There is a lot to learn about dementia. Being upset with mom won’t help.
can you get her into an exercise class or anything?
im sorry you’re going through this. Its frustrating..
try to not get angry.. seems like she can’t help it..
Wishing you and your family all the best.