My father has Alzheimer/dementia. How do we deal with this?

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and we have been having all of the usual issues. Here recently he completely reinvented the life he had with my mother. They were together for 42 years and were inseparable. Now he completely believes she cheated on him and that some of us kids are not his.We get calls that he is fighting demons or that there are people in the attic(which he doesnt have) talking. He is in assisted living because his delusions and confusion got so bad he ended up in ICU. He has days where he is lucid and almost 100% but then he has really bad days. He has become adept at lying and hiding his issues from others.

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It is a difficult situation. It is hard to explain but we are trying to ensure all of our I's are dotted and T's are crossed.
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Thank you for explaining Deedee. I must be very tired, because I'm still not processing the logic - but you are in this and I am not, so I won't pick your brain any further. I'm going to pray for you tonight that everything works out in your favor, and I look forward to encouraging developments. Thank God you have a good brother sharing this challenge with you - power in numbers!
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My dad believes this psych walks on water and he has gotten my dad to agree to the conservatorship. We are trying to keep my dad happy until we have it. Because as I said when hes good hes good. We need him to go to the judge and agree to it as well. If we make him mad before then he will not do what needs to be done with the conservatorship. He believes he is fine and is just going along with it for his psychs sake. It is a mess and we are trying to ensure my dads safety. We could fire him now and bar him from seeing my dad as it is we do not let him see my dad alone we take my dad to the appointments and go in with him so that he cannot try anything funny, We really are trying to find our way and we know if dad gets mad on one of his good days all we have done will be for naught.
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OK, Why do you have to wait until conservatorship is established before firing the psych? As MPOA & DPOA couldn't you fire him now and bar him from seeing your Dad at all? The reason I ask is because on this site, I see questions all the time about POA's that have barred family members from having any contact with their elder in the NH's.
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And yes he is very convincing to those who do not now him that well. It took my brother and I some time to figure out what was going on because he would lie to us both.,
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That is why we need the conservatorship so that my father can not revoke the DPOA and the MPOA as his psych told him he could do. Once we have that we are firing this psych. He wants to be my dads friend instead of his doctor. The MPOA gives us full power as does the DPOA but he has the right to revoke them at anytime in writing. I think he has forgotten for the moment but he may remember at anytime and when hes mad at us revoke it probably with his psychs help.
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Deedee, If you have DPOA and MPOA, why would you need conservatorship? Also, please read your documents-both of them. The DPOA and MPOA should give you the right to select medical professionals as well as facilities. I am disturbed that the psychiatrist is "waffling" over your Dad's condition (he must be so convincing-part of the disease too), and I don't see that he has any right whatsoever to put ideas into your Dad's head about changing the POA's. I would fire him in 2 seconds flat!!
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It is rough my brother and I share the duties but my brother had to have surgery so is down for awhile. I am trying the best I an to ensure he gets what he needs but I have kids and my hubby and hubby and I are both in school so he doesn't always get the time I would like to give him or he thinks he deserves.Yes my dad is the same he does not remember he is having the issues and tells us to stop lying and making things worse for him. We have been doing this since the end of may and it was hospital, skilled nursing facility to the assisted living place he is now all within a week.
My brother and I keep reminding each other that its not dad its the dementia/ Alzheimers but the stories he comes up with and the reasons he is acting the way he is are more and more outrageous. His psychiatrist sent the paperwork in for the conservatorship but now he is trying to blame my dads issues on other things when he was the one that said it was Alzheimers or dementia. It gets so aggravating and overwhelming. He will call me and tell me to come home I am in trouble for fighting with my brothers or tell me he is fighting the demons again and then he will call and say how are you today I haven't heard from you in a few weeks. He has also called and asked where my mom is because she is late getting home and she passed away 10 years ago.
I have had a few times I wanted to throw in the towel and just be done but I can not for better or worse he is my father.
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Oh yes, DeeDee! I hear you! I have come to realize that just about the time I adjust to Mom's latest decline and all the odd behaviors that go with it, I'm faced with a new decline and new symptoms. We go from not eating to eating for an army to eating only sweets and now Mom seems to only want to "eat" Boost meal supplement several times a day. Mom doesn't lie much - Sometimes I think she is lying but I also believe she simply doesn't remember so she fills in the blanks with her imagination. I tried correcting her, but she doesn't want to face that her imagination is not really memory. I hate to see her sad or agitated so I just nod and agree, sometimes I even ask a question to allow her to elaborate. The current challenge is getting her to stop feeding her little dog cat food all day. She says he likes it and that he's hungry but he's not and he was getting morbidly obese. I told her that if Animal Care Services saw him, they'd probably take him away for "abuse." Now she is letting me reduce his rations and he's beginning to look like a dog again. We'll see how long that lasts. Mom does not believe she has lost her memory and can't remember why I am doing her bill-paying/check writing. I used to cave when she demanded her checkbook, but now I just tell her, "No, Mom. I'm doing the books now."

Good that you have documents in order. If he wants to tell the doctor on you, let him. The doctor is experienced in these matters. I'm sorry that you have to go the conservator route, but it will be your protection. Once the doctor says he's incompetent and the court grants the conservatorship, it will answer any questions about your right to make decisions for him.

I know our demented loved ones don't mean to hurt us with their words but I also know how hurtful and frustrating they can be. Just do what you know is best for your Dad in the current circumstances. It's all any of us can do. You're right - it doesn't get any better. I just pray for the grace to make it through the next day/phase and so far, I'm making it. But it has not been easy. I hope you are able to hang in there with Dad. Keep some energy for you. You'll need it.
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Thank you for the hugs. We take things one day at a time and it seems that each time he has an "episode" its worse than the last but not as bad as the one that landed him in ICU. My brother and I try to be patient and try to understand when he is having his bad days. This is something we never thought we would have to deal with or learn about. I know that it is just going to get worse. I think the worst is how good he lies and hides things. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong and not matter how many times we tell him stuff he did he tells us we are lying and trying to hold him back. He has even told us he will tel the doctors we are lying and that he is the only one to be believed. We have DPOA and MPOA and are waiting for consevatorship but the psych he has keeps waffling and has even told my dad you know you can revoke both POA's dont you?
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