Here are some details about my grandparents:
Incontinent, forgetful, everything is done slowly, extremely stubborn. Almost fully deaf yet refuses to use hearing aid. When talking to him, we have to shout in his ear. He shouts at us as well because he can't hear himself and has a bad temper. Wants things done his way or else he throws a tantrum. Refuses to use wheelchair, walker, or wear diapers or even have a bed pad. Wets his underwear (27 pairs) every day and asks us to do laundry. Tries to get up to use the restroom but by the time it takes him to walk across the hall, he's wet his underwear. No energy. Sleeps for about 20 hours a day. Room smells of stale urine. Did I mention stubborn?
Diabetic, dementia, basically no short-term memory, sleeps for about 20 hours a day. Requires insulin shots four times a day.
My mother is a widow and has been caring for them for a while now. I work and live several states away and don't get much vacation time to come home. When I am gone, my mother thinks she cannot handle caring for them all the time. Luckily, grandparents live in the same apartment building as mom and she has to visit them several hours a day and finds it hard to find time to do her own work (she works from home).
Grandparents have no insurance (as they did not work in the US long enough) but are both US citizens. They only have Medicare B and D (no A, and no long-term care insurance).
How do we take care of my grandparents and especially deal with my stubborn grandfather?