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I had to quit work 2 yrs ago when mother suddenly started to not know me. Since then I have been her full time lone caregiver. I fantasize about returning to life, but realistically, I don't see any way we can afford placement for her. Her social security, pension & savings, plus the rent from my parents' home (which is in my name) might cover her in an ALF for a few yrs. She is healthy as a horse, so a nursing home and Medicaid are not appropriate, but her mind is pretty much gone. When the money runs out, I'd have to take her back home, right? which would be another trauma, and me even older than I am now (55) and struggling to care for her again. I'm willing to sell everything I have at this point, because it's either that or suicide, but is there another way I'm missing?

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I’ve been where you are! I could not get any answers from anyone
as to what I could do with my dad. He was not Medicaid approvable because he was physically able to walk, eat and go to the bathroom. His mind was totally gone. He could not use his phone or tv changer, take his medicine or even get his housecoat
on without help. He ask the same questions twenty times a day
and was fixated on having dinner. He ask everyday starting at 3:00
If we were going to have dinner. He would ask this starting at 15 minute intervals until 5:00. Then it would be at 5 minute intervals until 7:00. If It was 6:59 he would be standing in the kitchen wanting to know where dinner was??? I had dinner everyday at 7:00 for 15 months!!! I could not get anyone to tell me what to do.
I finally got his VA aid and attendance and he is in a AL now. I was
at the point of suicide a few times. Was your father a veteran?
She can get a widow’s benefit. Can you sell the rental property to
Cover a few years? Sometimes you can check with a small town
assisted living and they will reduce the payment to what she can afford to pay? I’m so sorry. I am still not over the damage that
It caused me. My question was”what are you going to do with him when I’m dead?” Nobody had an answer!!!!
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Leah, When I moved my Mom to memory care, I too was dividing the cost into her total net worth and thinking about how long it would last. I (finally) realized that it would be better to have her in AL memory care while she was at that stage than to to move her to a nursing home. My plan was to run out most of the money and reassess at that time. It's amazing what can happen but here are things I would ask you to consider:
- NO you do not spend your money on her care! (Unless you are super wealthy)
- By the time her money runs out, she will eligible for medicaid and may be ready for a nursing home.
- Some AL Memory care facilities will take medicaid after a few years of private pay, ask each place in your area.
- When you place her and have some time to recoup, you can seek employment and get your life back! Knowing she is well taken care of! With around the clock help! You will become her loving daughter and a cherished visitor!
- Call a therapist and make an appointment. You have had a great deal on your plate, time to start shaking it off.
Keep us posted!
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