She has destroyed everyones lives in our household. We can't live this way any longer. I am physically sick over her behavior and nastiness. Will the facilities accept a person who is not willing to go there?
If Mom is found incompetent, then your POA is probably in effect. Not sure if an AL is the right fit. Maybe Memory Care. All you can do is research what is in you area and ask questions. I would mention the BiPolar. You may want to give her something to keep her calm. Take her to the facility and tell her its a new apartment and she will make friends. Ask that staff be there to help with the transition. Let her be mad. Like a child, leave and let the staff take over. With a personality like hers, I would not come back for a few days. Call each day and see how things are going. Do not leave her with a phone. Ask staff to only call if there is an emergency. Also, don't allow her to use the phone there.
Have you talked with her psychiatrist and primary MD? If not, that's a good place to start. A psychiatrist may want to evaluate her and may be able to link you with Services and placement. Some ER settings have a Behavioral Health area where they can help as well. If she becomes violent, aggressive verbally or physically call an ambulance. It is so difficult having to care for someone with behavior such as your moms!
That's what I needed to point me into the right direction.