My mom is 88 years old, with dementia and extreme anxiety disorder. She has limited mobility and is quite frail, but her organs are in pretty good shape, considering. My dad passed away 15 years ago. I am an only child, with a full time job and a marriage and life of my own. For nearly 7 years, I have been the case manager for home health care, the med tech, the business agent paying all the bills and supplementing her dwindling income, transport to every medical appointment, the grocery shopper and personal shopper, and the general contractor for every thing that goes wrong in a 60-year-old house. After the latest round of home repairs and a horrible experience where she pitched a fit at the doctor's office for no reason, I have had it. I can't do it anymore. We cant afford the home health anymore. And, she's miserable -- complaining, horrible panic attacks for no reason (since I have taken on all of the stressors), obnoxious and downright mean, refusing to make an effort to do the least little thing to help herself, refusing to eat, demanding that she needs more and more "help" no matter what I do. I had her evaluated for memory care 10 minutes from my house (actually I am amazed that they are willing to take her), which I have visited, checked out their inspections, and spoken to family members. I'm moving her there in a few weeks. Now I have to figure out how to tell her. I know that this goes against everything all of the "caring for your aging parent" books have to say, but I don't intend to give her a choice. What we have been doing for years is no longer working on any level. I am talking to her sister and her friends and hoping they will reinforce me (luckily, everyone agrees that I need to do what I think is best). I know she will panic. Maybe she will hate me. My plan is to tell her that this is the only way I can think of to help her, and that she needs to do it for me. But honestly, all I want is that she gets in the car. I promise to visit her, and I know her loyal friends will too. I think I may even be a better daughter if I don't have to be responsible for everything. (Am I really a horrible person?) Suggestions?