How do I handle telling my 83 yo mom she can't drive her car anymore?

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I have been struggling with this issue for awhile now, and wondered how others handle this very touchy situation. My mom has moderate dementia, is physically able to do most things, however, driving her car could be dangerous to herself and others..I am afraid I have been a chicken about approaching this, so in March, even though I knew her tags were expiring, I did nothing about it. In April, her drivers license expired but I did not tell her. Her car has been garaged here all winter and because it is a sports car, she has not even started it since September. The last time she drove she got lost 6 blocks from the house, and I had to go find her and have her follow me home. Now that it is spring, she wants to get her car out, and the other day, she tried to start it (I was not home) and the battery is dead. This is an old BMW Z3 that is in bad shape. She has tape around the rear view mirrors to hold them up, and tape on the rear right tail light! She thinks she is such a good driver and is proud of this car...wow....She wants me to try and get the battery out and have it replaced...I have talked to her doctor about this and he has not really been very helpful..The last thing I need is for her to drive and hurt herself, or worse..someone else. Can anyone help me figure out how I am going to approach this? I am the primary caregiver with no other siblings (my brother died 3 years ago) so I know it is up to me. She is going to really throw a huge fit over this, I know. She is seriously beyond reasoning this out....Help.....

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Wish I had an answer! My mother is 85 and rapidly losing her strength. Her car is awful, window button is gone, radio buttons gone, no a/c (in florida) never mind the cracked driver seat. Now she stopped traffic at the bridge because she puts the car in park waiting for the drawbridge and could not shift the gear. I wish I had the strength to talk to her mechanic and plead with him to tell her it is unfixable but know if it was found out she would hate me forever, literally, not kidding she holds a grudge like no one else.
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Sounds like my mom, who also had dementia. She would get lost driving or worse run red lights and had a wreck. I talked to her doctor which called DMV and had her license revolted. A letter was sent to her to turn in her drivers licenses. You may want to try that. Good luck, you have a long road in front of you.
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To be fair, I do have an interest in GoGoGrandparent, but it is still relevant. I made it for my grandma and it has changed her life. sandiegouniontribune.com/news/2016/apr/10/gogograndparent-uber-seniors-without-smartphones/
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Spam. Looks like jbooboo dug up several old posts having to do with transportation to advertise. Uggg! Shades of Bidetman!
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We gave my grandma an alternative! Check out GoGoGrandparent - it's an automated hotline that let's folks use Uber and Lyft without a smartphone. It worked pretty well for my grandma after she fell, she couldn't drive. And she's been using it ever since!
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How can I prevent or make my Father feel not so depressed from taking his driving from him? With Alzheimer's, He thinks their is nothing wrong, that the doctor's are wrong, that he is fine. He thinks nobody cares about him anymore. Please Help !
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You need to change doctors. If you think Mom is a threat and your willingly to deal with the fallout you can even go to DMV yourself and it can be anonymous. Only surround yourself with people that support your decisions- your the the one that spends the most time with her. Too many elderly are in dire situations because their loved ones cower down. Stick to your gut and do what you got to do - SHE WILL get over it. I have been there and my Mom is safe and sound and no one got hurt cause I couldn't stand my ground. She was your caregiver - now you be hers!!! I say this with great respect for what your facing.
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this is not an easy thing, however when you consider the potential for tragedy we need to do this sooner rather than later. My Mother God love her was never a good driver, she got lost easily and drove fast! My Father had been covering for her as it were for years and I did not realize the extent of her dementia till Dad passed away. Shortly before his death my Dad said hon you have to get those keys away from her. He was VERY ill and so he could not. I just approached her with the truth I felt it was not safe for her to drive, and we took her car to my sister. I take her wherever she wants to go... I would encourage you to be kind and respectful to your Mom, but also to consider the danger of doing nothing!
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It sounds like the car wouldn't pass inspection. It certainly wouldn't pass if "someone" (blame it on kids) got into the garage and removed the tail lights and driver's side mirror.
Depending on how you want to play it, you could report her anonymously to your state MV department and they'll send her a letter requiring she be checked out by a doctor within a certain time frame (be sure the doctor knows she got lost while driving close to home and that you're concerned about her being a danger to herself and others if she gets behind the wheel.) Or, you could insist that a new battery and all the other repairs will cost too much. If you know a friendly mechanic, you could get a fake estimate made up. Donating the car to one of the legitimate charities that accept cars and boats would be the best bet, so she won't obsess about getting it back on the road.
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Mom is a very healthy 88 year old who walks, plays bridge and reads. She is starting to become more and more forgetful by the day.
We anonymously turned Mom in to the DMV so that she had to take the written and drivers test. She ended up passing both after studying and practicing(she ran into a pole practicing parallel parking) She now has her license for 2 more years! She lives in a retirement-assisted living apartment where few can drive and they count on her to take them places all the time. She loves this because she feels special. I feel that it is a law suit waiting to happen and don't want her driving others around. She also has the beginnings of macular degeneration and shouldn't be driving at night but she says she only goes places she knows….What do we do now?
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