How do I tell Mom I filed for her guardianship?

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She has Alzheimer's with times of clarity and will find this humiliating. Mom is in mid-late stage Alzheimer's. She claims she is doing "just fine" but now needs help dressing, forgets family members, and has some delusions (often involving me having done something behind her back). She has enough times of clarity along with a real fear of losing more capabilities that I think she will feel humiliated and be oppositional, angry, and suspicious. Do I arrange to tell her in the presence of her pastor? Best friend? Lawyer? My Alzheimer's Assoc counselor? Privately? How do I explain so she understands what guardianship will mean to her?

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Hmm, it sound like family friction with brother is inevitable. I'd suggest you totally show your support of an outside court appointed guardian & then you work closely with them in everything "mom". The court will revist the Guardianship in a few months and then if you & the court appointed guardian are all kum-ba-ya, they will support a change in guardianship from them back to family (you).

Court appointed guardian really can be a godsend as they can get things done that you would be struggling to do. Like find a bed in a memory care unit, or get a mental health evaluation. Now all moms assets are subject to control by the guardian. If mom owns the house, where bro & her live, it may need to be sold with the proceeds totally use for her care. That's not an issue for you but could be for bro. If bro is able-bodied then too bad. But if he is disabled, it's going to be more complicated but court appointed guardians know how to deal with this.

Also if bro has any issues....like bad credit report, bankruptcy, felonies, child support, drug problem....the judge will not ever appoint him guardian. If you know bro has issues like this & you think bro will want to get guardianship & will play the loving & devoted son role in court, I'd get whatever reports or records that are available as public record to have to present to the court if needed. judge will appoint a short-term outside guardian almost always in these situations to sort out the issues both for elders care & determine family suitability as permanent guardian.

Good luck and let us know what happens.
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I just wanted to make sure you realized that would be a possibility. I agree with you. I would never want to be guardian for an uncooperative elder.
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A third party guardian would be required to put Mom's interests first and won't put up with family politics. That would be so much easier for me and meet the most important objectives. It doesn't have to be me, but SOMEONE has to appropriately care for her.
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Been there. The court will send a visitor to determine whether the care she is receiving at home is appropriate and to evaluate Mom's level of competency. When that occurs if you are there, you will be asked to leave, as will your brother, if only out of the house. Only the court visitor can determine whether there is something that your mom care needs in the home that is not being provided. And Baba is correct, is there is family dysfunction the court will appoint a third party as guardian that will then spend time with your mom on a regular basis to determine whether she is receiving appropriate care and whether a move would be in her best interest.
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If your brother is not in agreement, it seems likely that an outsider will be appointed her guardian. If you must tell her ( and it sounds like you do), i would simply tell her that you've been advised by your lawyer that this is the best course of action to make sure that her money gets spent on her care, and in a way she would want.
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Papers are served on her in very short order. You need to tell her and your brother ASAP so they are not blindsided. She will also be visited by a court evaluator in a few weeks. You do not need to be there for that.
She will also have her own lawyer at the show cause hearing.
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Thank you for your input, everyone.
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I have financial POA, my brother lives with her and has healthcare POA; her needs are now beyond what he can provide. The court must give her notice in the course of due process, so I want to tell her first. My brother has his own agenda and will be no help at all.
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I agree, do not tell her at all. Why was this necessary? Who has her POA's? Does she have those documents in place?
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What's the point in telling her?

If you tell her you now have guardinship it's not going to make her more agreeable..

Just do what needs to be done to get her the help she needs..
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