How do I tell my mentally ill father who just went into a nursing home that he isn't going home?

Yes, you are doing the right thing for your father, yourself and the rest of the family. Accept it.

All good advice...Additionally, I'd go a step futher: Nursed and Aids come and go:
1. Have his house doctor issue a standing order that he is not to be allowed to use a phone at any time.
2. Have the order posted to the wall outside of his room..
Reasons: Nurse/ide turnover and frequent substitutes. I learned in 12 years of visiting wife in nursing home that word of mouth instructions only work to a point.
Someone WILL forget or not be told.
Nail it down.

Grace + Peace,
Bob

Sorry his ss check is the bf , but ira is my moms from my dads and ss chk is from my moms i am speaking not able to type

YES you are and i know Exactly what you are going threw my mom has a bf that does the same thing in the last 15 yrs he has drained her dry now she has dementia he has his ss check lives in my deceased fathers house takes his ira check takes my moms chk and pays nothg ..only bill is between them is lites and water and he seems to be hiding most of it or sending it to his checking account in his hometown .he has caused us 3 out 5 siblings to stop visitn my mom .we bou g t her a cell just to talk to her without having to hear his voice , he now claims she lost it to only call his number yeah rt..he has took all her jewlery anythg that of value claims its in safe well theres no built in safe there. He and oldest sibling closer to age have been buddy buddy she has poa allows him to leave my mom alone with dementia rinning to eat etc. Oxygen tank catchs on fire she is severely burnt.poa will not remove him as caregiver plus thy hv 2 aides come in that must be blind to allow them to smoke with o2 . Now poa has gofundme set up for them to go rt bck to my dads home after repairs. .poa has gotten home signed totally to mom . So i agree u are taking rt steps . I wish the poa of my family would see threw his free loading swamp. Good luck in standing your ground .tell your dad he has to stay there to heal.

Hi, I went through a similar situation with my Dad when placed in a NH. I knew it was the best place for him and he asked to "go home" all the time. I don't think he even knew where home was! It was very hard on me being the sole caregiver and making all the decisions hoping they were the right ones. I never actually told him he wasn't going home. I would say, "I'm working on it, Dad. We have to see how things progress." Just very general white lies. And absolutely tell the nurses about the cell phone and his past experiences with calling people to get him out. Someone else wrote he is angry because he is no longer making the decisions and that is so true. In the end, the only thing my Dad had control over was his intake and that was that. It's very sad. But I also agree with the idea that you don't have to be there all the time. Give yourself some space. Best of luck and keep us posted.

xo
-SS

I know what you're going through is so hard. I'm about to lose my dad to lung disease. He is 90 & also in a nursing home.
My mother is in a nearby assisted living. I stay very busy.
I also am their guardian.
These decisions are very hard but their mental capacity will only keep diminishing, so you have done the right thing. Its just hard for them to give up control. I tell mine whatever they want to hear even if it is little white lies.
You have to do what you have to. Good luck & praying for you.

All that is such good advice, Sandsue. The thought of the havoc that your Dad would cause by having a phone is horrific. First I took my husband's mobile charger away, said it had disappeared and I would have to get another. And eventually I took the mobile.
I also made sure the staff knew not to let him use any other phone. ❤️ 🙏

Hang in there. Your Dad is very lucky to have you looking out for him. Keep strong.

Agree, tell him when he is well enough.

Your dad is very lucky to have you looking out for him. Things could be so much worse for him.

No guilt. Good luck with this and take care of yourself first.

I'm am very greatful for the quick responses!!!! I need all the encouragement I can get. God bless you 😁

I forgot to to add, no matter what, don't give him his cell phone and let the nurses know about the cell phone and calling. Your father isn't happy that he can't call the shots anymore, you do.

You made the right choice for your dad. He isn't going to be happy no matter what you do or say. Happiness is a choice only he can make and some are only happy when they are miserable. Their greatest joy is making others miserable along with them. Being in a nursing home is the best thing for him. He is getting the medical attention he needs, he is safe and fed and hopefully clean as well.

Yes, you are doing the right thing. This is tough but you have guardianship and must hang tough.

You could try fibbing to him a little, when you get better you'll go home etc. Also, maybe just step back. Waaaaay back. Manage his care but you don't have to visit.  He's not going to be happy no matter what you do.

So many people lead ruinous lives then near the end expect the kids to step in and save the day.

You may want to gave him evaluated for hospice. End stage kidney failure, exposed bone?!