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My brother and his wife relocated to Arizona from Florida after my father's death in 2008, leaving me as Mom's POA in her advancing age. His parting words were "We're not interested in her house" which meant the burden of maintaining Mom's house as well as her healthcare was on my shoulders exclusively. Since I was not of retirement age, I kept working fulltime and commuted on weekends (160 miles roundtrip) to watch over Mom. As her health and memory declined, I saw the writing on the wall - sold my condo, retired and moved in with her temporarily. Now that she has passed away, my brother has resurfaced and says he "mispoke" when he initially declined his claim to the house. I am busy planning the funeral, grieving emotionally, and now my brother is coming back to attend the funeral. He's driving to save money, so does this mean he expects me to put him up for 4 days. It is Mom's house, and we share equally her assets but I can't do it - my resentment runs too deep. I'm worried there is no way out of this and I'm scared.

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I think I have a solution to the situation - I will give him money to cover his hotel expenses for the 4-5 days he decides to stay. It's boiling down to preserving my dignity and self-respect. He hasn't earned the right to just barge into my life after abandoning Mom and I. If he calls the police, so be it. They don't want to toy around with a grieving 71 year old woman- ha!
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So, I just read one of your previous posts; it seems you and bro are co=executors and that home will be subject to Medicaid recovery (MERP).

I can't tell if brother thinks he should be able to stay in the house. Why don't you ask him where he plans to stay?

It would be gracious to open your mom's home to him; he must be hurting too.
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Dear Irish; I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Dear irishspirit25,

My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this is an extremely difficult time. The grief is unbearable. You have been a very dutiful daughter taking care of your mom all these years. I too had a lot of resentments against my siblings while caring for my father after his stroke. He passed last year.

I know its hard but if you can try and tell him, he will have to make alternate living arrangements while in town for the funeral. He should stay at an Airbnb, or at friends or another family member. Maybe he won't get it, but let him know you need more privacy and do not feel comfortable having him at the house. I know the conversation won't be easy but its better to tell him before he arrives.

I hope others can give more insight.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.
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Legally if your mother left things to be divided, there is no way to change it now. Your brother would have had to sign over his part of the house. Legally it will be his house, too, when probate is complete. Sorry. If you don't want to spend the time with him one of you will have to stay elsewhere. It is sad when family gets like this, but often the do. I wish it were different.
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