My father has severe lymphedema with other health issues. He has not slept in his bed for over 2 years and has no interest in returning. He DOES want to resolve or make his issues better but wants me to solve the problem. He claims he is unable to put on compression socks on his own, so wants me to lotion, as well as put the socks on and off daily. Additionally, he would like to use the compression pump but wants my help getting it on and off. The swelling causes pain which he associates with having them elevated which doesn't help. He does not like to be physically uncomfortable for any reason. The weakness can make it difficult for him to rise from the toilet (he is 6 foot 2 inches and 250 lbs). He will yell for me to come help whenever he doesn't feel he can rise but says the use of a rail will make it difficult for him to maneuver when self-cleaning.
In addition to caring for both of my parents, I run a full-time business from my home. While I did agree to care for him, I can not get him to see that he needs to take responsibility for some of his basic care, or lack of participation. It feels as if he would much rather have me take care of the discomfort than try to be self-sufficient. The stress and physicality of pulling around on a large man are taking their toll.
Any advice or experience welcome
2. Please, if he has the money, hire someone else to do all that. You’ll only get more angry, and you’re right to be angry. You’re being used. And of course, what a surprise, you’re a girl. So many women’s lives ruined and exploited.
Medicare covers these benefits.
Do you have an aide come to help with showering ?
Does Mom need help too ?
Is it possible for you and your spouse to get some respite ? Get away . Either have help stay with your parents or place your parents in a respite facility while you are away ( or if you just staycation at home even , do day trips ) ?
Are you thinking it’s reached the level where it is too difficult to have your parents living with you and would consider assisted living ?
You have to find what options will work best for the situation .
This. How/why did you agree to care for him? If you have siblings, why did you alone agree? What does your spouse say? You could hurt yourself lifting him up from the toilet, especially if you are much smaller.
What is the financial situation of your parents? Are you their POA/HCPOA?
If your father doesn't do more things for himself, what's the next plan? Is the plan for them to live with you until they (or you!) die?
My parents do not have the resources to afford assisted living. I do have a sibling but he is developmentally disabled.
My spouse is supportive of helping them. They have resided in our home for several years. The physical care has only gotten bad recently.
My mother isnt in a great health position herself.
Tell Dad, if he is not going to help himself, then eventually its a NH for him. Because you are not capable of caring for him after he becomes dead weight. I suggest a commode in the bathroom he uses.
The bar on the back should be removable, take it off. A new commode should come with a bucket and splash guard. Place the commode over the toilet. (You can remove the toilet seat because the commode has one) Place the splash guard where the bucket goes and make sure the bottom goes down inside the toilet bowl a couple of inches. The legs can be adjusted. Now Dad has arms he can lift himself up with and hold himself up with.
I agree, get an order for PT to come in and evaluate him. I just read exercise is good for this. So he needs to get up and move.
Just read the responses to your post. I agree with having the doctor order home health. My mom saw significant improvement when she did home health.
I saw where you said that your parents couldn’t afford entering an assisted living facility. Can they afford to hire help from an agency or perhaps a private caregiver?
Have you been in contact with Council on Aging in your area? If your father qualifies, they will provide assistance for him. Help is hired through an agency and they work four hour shifts.
Wishing you all the best as you continue to care for your parents.
Cover909
See All Answers