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My dad has Alzheimer’s and mail always comes later in the day when he’s sundowning. He gave to one charity, the Marines (of which he was part over 45 years ago and it’s also the period he goes back to most with his Alzheimer’s), and now every charity on earth wants a donation. The problem is, he either is or is trying to keep giving donations, sometimes multiple times to the same charity, not because he’s sought them out and wants to give them money, but because they send him thank you notes or tokens that bait him into giving like calendars he won’t use or notepads, one charity sends him a nickel.


So, please, is there any way I can contact anyone to stop sending him these snail mails? I plan on writing each charity as it comes in and explaining the situation, but these things are automatically generated. Do I contact the post office when it’s their job just to deliver the mail? How do I make these exploitive snail mails stop? It’s becoming a point of taking advantage of the elderly and infirm. He doesn’t have the money to give to all of them. My mom said she’s not writing checks for all of them, but that’s not enough. So long as the mail comes, dad’s going to want to send money.



Thanks so much!


b

My mom lives with me, and I just toss the crap before she sees it, She does give to St Judes, and I am ok with that once a year or so. We have enough address labels to paper the walls! My dad passed 3 years ago and he still gets stuff. I just tell her it was junk mail for dad. My Grandmother gave a ton to TV preachers, and mom and Aunt were horrified.. so I just figure I am saving her from that
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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Charity and junk mail cannot be stopped because the groups need to mail out a certain number of envelopes in order to get discounted mail, so one's address stays on for years.

I even wrote on an envelope "deceased", return to sender, put a 1st class stamp on the envelope and sent it back. Without the stamp the Post Office would just toss away discounted mail that is marked "returned". Then the following month got the same mail, again. Rinse, repeat.

When my Dad moved to senior living, I had all his mail forwarded to my house. That did cut out a lot of the junk mail that Dad got, as junk mail is not forwarded. But after awhile somewhere somehow my address with Dad's name got sold to a junk mailer/charity.... in came the junk mail... [sigh].

Oh well, compared to robo calls on the telephone and cellphone, junk mail feels like a walk in the park :P
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Reply to freqflyer
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Have all the mail go to a post office box.  Then you can pick and choose what mail to give him.  It's the best way to keep him safe.  If need be save some old junk mail and stick it in his mail box for him to pick up everyday.  You can probably use the same mail everyday and he might not even notice.
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Jessica40 Dec 14, 2018
If he goes and gets the mail and it's empty and he questions that tell him they changed the delivery time to later in the day.  That gives you time to put the old junk mail in there.
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Simply and honestly? You can’t - stop charity request mailings. Not once a donation has been given and the cycle has begun.

This issue was in the top three of frustrating things my mother and I argued about. And - we argued about it for a number of years. This was prior to my learning The Golden Rule of Dementia: There is no reasoning with dementia.

Believe me me when I say, I tried everything. And, I do mean everything... with my mom, with the post office, with the charities, with my moms IL/AL, the mailman, the bank. On and on, round and round. Everything.

I completly agree with you about the little “thank you” notes making matters worse. My mom would get a “thank you” using her first name in what appeared to be handwriting. I could never get mom to understand that this wasn’t a personal note - that it was computer generated. Worse, the “thank you” would be printed on the back of a photo of a donkey, tiger, horse, etc - making my mom believe that was her animal - the exact one that she had personally saved. Mom would say to me “If I don’t help this poor animal, who will?” Ummm, one of the thousands of other elderly suckers this fake and/or shady charity is taking advantage of.

I would look the charity up on Charity Navigator and show her their piss-poor rating. Did no good. And, of couse some of the charities were good ones - but still... Mom was writing 30-50 checks a month, often several a week to the same charity, not able to realize she had already given - as she no longer used her checkbook ledger AND wrote from multiple check packs. Sigh.

I could go on forever on this topic. But I’ll end here saying - in the last year of my mothers life I was finally able to divert her mail to my house. I was also finally able to take away her checkbook. So - no more donations. Mom passed 2 1/2 years ago. So - no donations in well over three years and I still get dozens of charity requests sent to mom in my mail each week. Which, is better than the dozen or so that was coming each day.

Its a vicious racket that unfortunately makes me now unwilling to donate to deserving charities as I know they’ll sell my name and the requests will ramp up again - but now addressed to me.

I still donate to my local human society- but either with goods from their “wish list” or by way of a cashiers check.
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Reply to Rainmom
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As I understand your situation, your father picks up the mail and your mother writes checks for him for some of the solicitations. Would it be possible for your mother to pick up the mail instead and hold it for you so that you can go through the mail before your dad sees it? If that's not possible, a post office box is your best option.

The NIH's National Institute of Aging has an article "Managing Money Problems in Alzheimer's Disease" suggests giving people with Alzheimer's voided checks. Do your parents still have checks from an old account that no longer is active? It would take a little effort on your part - and your mom to go along with it - in order to create a phony checkbook that your dad could use to relieve your mom from having to negotiate with him. Write "VOID" under the check number on each of the checks. Don't mail the checks but if he mails them, they are voided. Your dad has Alzheimer's and you and your mom are protecting him and his dignity.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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Unfortunately the postal service cannot stop the mass mailings, especially the legitimate ones. Nor can the postperson hold them for the specific address I personally have difficulty stopping soliciters. You may try forwarding all mail to you and still get the general solicitations going in the mailbox.You may want to wrangle the checkbook away.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Sorry, just read he is living with you. Then a PO Box is the answer.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Charities and Credit Cards used to send a self addressed stamped envelope with the request. ( I think they t wising up) I used to put the paper with Moms address circled and "take me off ur mailing list" inside the envelope and all the paper that came with it. Since they pay postage, the mailings stopped. If they didn't include an envelope, then I would send an email. 800 phone number, I would call. I do not get subscriptions to magazines. Fill out for contests at the Mall for trips or cars. They sell your address. Which, because of our elderly, should be illegal.

My Mom passed in 2017. I had her mail sent to me. Every week she was getting info from capital one and Xfinity to her home address. This week, the mail had her name and my address. I only gave the PO change of address. I called capitol and gave them both addresses and asked that they send no more mail because Mom is deceased.

There is also a website that claims they can stop junk mail. Just put "junk mail" in search and see if it comes up. It will take a few weeks to stop.
If you have POA, I would suggest that you have his mail sent to you or to a PO box.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Riverdale Dec 13, 2018
I would be nervous about giving an email. They come in second or maybe third in terms of annoyance after robocalls.
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This is a common problem with elders.

Some people put in a change of address and have the mail sent to a private mail box at a mail center. Not your own mail box or you’ll have the trash coming to you for years.

It takes literally years of not responding before it stops.

Your dad might be at the stage where he would miss the mail and be upset about not receiving it. The best I can tell you is that it will pass. You can find many threads on this forum discussing the problem.

My aunt had several she sent donations to.
She still has one or two that come in after at least four years of not replying.
The post office has to deliver the mail.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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