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About the “stories she made up”.

Search on this Forum for the word “confabulation”.

You will see that it is fairly common in dementia patients.

I read one post that said a person with dementia was so sure of their false memories that they actually passed a lie detector test.
They don’t know they are lying. There memory is true to them. Their brain is broken.

My aunt (92) used to frequently tell a story about her dad throwing still born babies down a well. She did have three brothers who either died at birth or were still born. That part is true. Throwing them down the well, oh my.

For awhile, she would pass along news that the most unlikely person had moved into an apartment. Like a 16 yr old great niece who of course was living at home with her parents. Or her SIL or another elderly friend had moved away and were living in an apartment.
Where this came from who knows? It caused a lot of confusion. She knew absolutely no one who lived in an apartment but it seemed so true to her that when she repeated it, she was believed. I remember very clearly conversations I had with her where I tried to explain to her why what she was saying wasn’t true. She would listen but I could tell she thought I was wrong.

This was early on in her illness and she really caught people by surprise when she would say these things.

i would be embarrassed at some of her remarks until I understood that it was part of the illness and I learned to take it in stride.

I think you’ll get over your anger as you grow in awareness that what you are angry with is the disease and not your mom.
Check out the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube.

Come back to this site often and you will see that many people are dealing with similar issues.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

If I could find a way to stop being angry at my mother for her chronic non-stop negativity, I'd bottle up the recipe and make a fortune. Every day I tell myself I will NOT get angry with her toxic words, and every day I DO. So I limit my time with her, both on the phone and in person. I make a conscious effort to STOP thinking about what she says right after I hang up the phone or leave her room at the ALF. Sometimes I have to rant to my husband just to get it all OUT of my system, and I find it to be very helpful. I'm not so sure how helpful HE finds it to be.......but he's a very supportive partner, thank God, so he listens to my rant and tries to give me constructive suggestions. Nothing works. I really think the only way to preserve YOUR sanity is to set down some strict rules and then follow them. You will talk for X amount of time on the phone, you will visit for X amount of time, etc. As soon as the wild stories start, change the subject immediately. If she won't be distracted and insists on continuing on with the negativity, either hang up the phone or leave her presence. There's no 'fixing' people with dementia/Alzheimers, they only get worse as time goes on, so the important thing is to care for OURSELVES. Anger can be a soul-crushing emotion, leaving us feeling guilty & miserable ourselves. So setting down boundaries is a must.

Best of luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1

My MIL is just like this.

Dead relatives are fodder for her vitriol--you CANNOT have a conversation where she doesn't bring her ex-hubby and his HORRIBLE family into the mix. And she is still as angry today as the day any of the many infractions that occurred, She's got slight dementia, just basic cognitive decline associated with age--but we cannot blame that on her horrible talk--she's just lost her filter and talks louder and louder.

She is, without question, VERY ill, mentally, but it doesn't really help at all to "know" this. She's been mean since I met her, before I met my hubby.

We all just try to ignore her, even when her nastiness is pointed at one of us (mostly me).

It still hurts, a lot.
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Reply to Midkid58

She seems to be having beginners stages of alzheimer, try to ha patients with her it can get worse fast. And just take what she says with a grain of salt my mom does the same thing
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Reply to Bobbilynn

You have to try to condition yourself to look past it. We have accepted it's no longer my mom. The mom I once had is already gone. I am just trying to make her as comfortable as I can until God takes her home. So every time you get frustrated with her, just take a deep breath, exhale, and remind yourself it's not your mothers intentions to upset you. She just can't help it anymore. She still loves you more than you know.
Like my husband constantly tells me, just know when you can't take it anymore, because the last thing you need is to have some kind of mental breakdown yourself.
God bless you for trying to take care of her for as long as you can because yes I know it is soooooo hard sometimes! Trust me, somewhere inside her head she thanks you for loving her........
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Reply to Cateyes

Moms reality, TV and dreams are all meshing together. She can't tell the difference. Her brain is dying. She may have no idea what is happening to her. These are not lies, this is now how she sees her world. You can no longer reason with her. If the stories aren't hurting anyone, just let it go. If it is, just explain its the Dementia talking.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Dementia robs a person of everything they used to be. Try to be angry at the illness as opposed to your mom. I know that's difficult. Her negativity and inaccurate stories are because of her dementia. She can't help it. If someone has congestive heart failure and their legs swell and break out in ulcers and we have to tend to those wounds and make sure they take their diuretic we don't usually get angry because that's the disease, it's how it manifests. Try to think of dementia the same way. Your mom's behavior is a symptom of her illness. She has very little control over it.

Try not to contradict her and try diverting her attention when she launches into stories you know are untrue. When she becomes negative, try walking away if you can. Find a reason to leave the room.
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Reply to Eyerishlass

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