How do I stay sane caring for my 85 year old mom that is very hateful to me and forgets stuff as soon she says it?

I am so sorry you're going through such a tough situation with your mom. Heres a few ideas to think over:
Dementia normally reaches a point where at home care giving becomes too much so the loved one needs to be placed in a Memory Care environment for everyone's peace of mind and best day to day living. Have you considered doing that?

You can also think about respite care for a week or two so you can get some R&R if your siblings are unwilling to help out.

Also, you can speak to her doctor about medication or medication adjustments if her behavior is escalating. A mild Xanax for both of you may work wonders.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.

I am so sorry this is happening to you and to your mom. These diseases are so tough on everyone involved.

It is normal to become exhausted and frustrated being the only one acting as a caregiver. There are many on this site with siblings that don’t help and they may as well have been only children because they are still doing everything all alone.

Please look into respite care. Some assisted living facilities offer it for caregivers to take a much needed break. It’s the only way they can go on a vacation or just rest at home. Call and schedule a tour.

If finances allow and she likes it you could bring up the topic of a permanent move to the facility.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

My mom went through a couple of years of full on rage. She's always been an angry person. Then she spiked into full on rage. Like primal screaming rage at the top of her lungs. I was always surprised that someone didn't call the cops. When she did it in the ER, the whole ER went quiet and everyone from the healthcare providers to the other patients looked over with a "what the hell was that" look on their faces.

She got over it. I tell people she's forgotten how to be angry. It's not just that the rage is gone, she just doesn't get angry anymore. Things that would have set her off just don't. She gets annoyed at times, but that only lasts a couple of minutes. I haven't seen her truly angry in months. That would go on for days.

I know while it's happening it seems like it's impossible to hang on. A couple of times I had to get in the car and get the hell out of there for a while. But sooner or later it will end, one way or another.