You have to respond as others have suggested by saying it's not true. But he'll keep saying it and you'll keep telling him over and over again. Sorry, but this is how the disease works. You can only hope he gets caught in another loop about another subject. I sometimes think that they feel a need to say something, and their worst fear is all they can think of.
My Daddy accused me of not being a good daughter. She is the worst daughter ever! He would tell people in the doctor offices! I laugh now because in a way its funny but let me tell you it wasn't when it was happening! The way I dealt with it at the time -- I ignored it. I just continued to do what needed to be done to make and keep him safe. I continued to take him to the doctor appointments and just accepted what was happening. If people looked at me when he said those things I just rolled my eyes. People would nod with an understanding look and I knew they had sympathy for me. I would just say... love him and know that it is the sickness that is talking. He married you when he was well and in his right mind. Now just love him.
We call it a "broken brain" on this forum. His brain is dying little by little. Hope this is just a stage. But know its very common for one spouse to accuse another spouse of having affairs. Just like a lot of people suffering from a Dementia want to go home. And its not always they home lived last, it could be their childhood home.
You have to remind yourself that its the desease talking. Its causes paranoia. If you visit everyday, you don't have to. You stay for hours, you don't have to. His days are running into each other. He may not even remember you being there. Time is different for them. So if him accusing you everyday is getting to you, step back. If you being there seems to upset you, step back.
You respond by not giving any attention to his nonsense. When people give any explanation because it will only feed the nonsense and it makes it stronger. Then often it escalates into a fight and the caregiver then realizes that they're going back and forth with an mentally incompetent fool who likely doesn't know what day it is. Your only respose when he accuses you of affairs it to tell him simply:
'That is not true'.
Then completely ignore the topic after that. When he brings it up you tell him, 'that is not true' then let it go and do not answer again.
Within the terribly tragic set of circumstances that you and he are dealing with now, I think your very best course of action would be to stand up as soon as he enters this line of discussion, say “I love you with my whole heart, and I’ll be back soon”, and then immediately leave.
If you can convince yourself that there is no “good” way of managing his painful behavior EXCEPT possibly, your absence as his audience, doing this MAY help.
If the complexities of his physical issues allow, it may be helpful to have his case considered by a geriatric neuropsychiatrist. At very least, YOU will have the peace of knowing that you’ve done all you could.
PLEASE be as good to yourself as you can, and keep in mind (if you can), that this very difficult behavior is NOT within his control.
We call it a "broken brain" on this forum. His brain is dying little by little. Hope this is just a stage. But know its very common for one spouse to accuse another spouse of having affairs. Just like a lot of people suffering from a Dementia want to go home. And its not always they home lived last, it could be their childhood home.
You have to remind yourself that its the desease talking. Its causes paranoia. If you visit everyday, you don't have to. You stay for hours, you don't have to. His days are running into each other. He may not even remember you being there. Time is different for them. So if him accusing you everyday is getting to you, step back.
If you being there seems to upset you, step back.
Your only respose when he accuses you of affairs it to tell him simply:
'That is not true'.
Then completely ignore the topic after that. When he brings it up you tell him, 'that is not true' then let it go and do not answer again.
If you can convince yourself that there is no “good” way of managing his painful behavior EXCEPT possibly, your absence as his audience, doing this MAY help.
If the complexities of his physical issues allow, it may be helpful to have his case considered by a geriatric neuropsychiatrist. At very least, YOU will have the peace of knowing that you’ve done all you could.
PLEASE be as good to yourself as you can, and keep in mind (if you can), that this very difficult behavior is NOT within his control.
Hopes for a peaceful solution……