My 87 y/o mom was on hospice with CHF, and died at home less than 24 hours ago. We were afraid to give morphine at first, feeling like we were going to kill her if given too soon/fast. She started to labor in her breathing, so we asked for morphine. She was constantly sleeping before this. Her breathing became more labored, and her care giver of 3 years, who loved my mom as her own, said if we turn down her O2, it would hasten her death and end the suffering. Well, we turned it down to 1 liter, and she went all night laboring and given morphine every 4 hours. The caregiver and friend is a nurse. She begged us to remove her O2, and end the suffering. She said she would just drift to sleep. She pulled it from her nose, after being given by mouth morphine which she chocked on and couldn’t swallow. My friend removed the O2, and my mom started to show signs she was suffering and threw up, and was gasping and tensing as in pain. I panicked and begged to have her O2 be given back, but then she died. I will never forgive myself that I allowed my friend/nurse to convince me it was the humane thing to do, and that she wouldn’t suffer. My mother feared death, and she didn’t die peacefully. My sister and I are riddled with guilt and the image of our mother suffering through that before dying. I don’t know if we will ever get over this. We are not grieving because of just the loss, we are grieving because of how she died, and suffered, and we feel tremendous pain that we let her die this way.