He was diagnosed May 21, 2020.
His cancer, which we were aware of, had been at Stage 1 for 6 years. He had checkups every three months. Then suddenly it metastasized to his femur, liver, lymph nodes, and brain. He had whole brain radiation and that eliminated all traces of cancer, but caused short term memory loss. Then he has had chemo/immunotherapy every 3 weeks for the past year. He has lost 45 lbs. He gets tired easily and is always cold.
We celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary tonight. We had a party and saw family and friends that we haven’t seen since his diagnosis because of Covid. So many of them were shocked to see how he looks.
I know he won’t make it another year. We have done all the legal and financial preparations. So everything should be in good shape.
But how do I prepare myself? I am sometimes acutely aware of our time together passing by. And other times I ignore it, and just live our normal lives, mostly so it’s not always on his mind.
I am just afraid I will completely fall apart. He is my rock. And now I am his. What happens when there is no rock? I do have three grown sons, their fabulous wives, and 7 grandkids, so you would think I have a lot to look forward to. But all I can think of is him and if I can, or even want to, go on without him.
I know that sounds like depression talking, and it probably is. Anyone who can give advice, counsel, personal experience, I would greatly appreciate it.