How do I not tell my loved one about her financial situation while living in AL?

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My loved one has been in Assisted Living for 8 months. She does ask once in a while if she can afford to live there, to which I answer yes. Now she says that soon she wants to go over how much it has cost her to live there. She also wants to see her longterm investment paperwork. It took me a long time to put all of the ducks in a row re: her finances. I don't want to show her what is happening now. The cost of the ALF is much more than she thinks it is. Also, I think she wants to see how much money she has, because she wants to buy a car (thankfully I got that out of her life at the same time she started living in the ALF). I am keeping very careful records about the spending I am doing from her accounts toward her care. I don't want her to obsess about not being able to see her finances - in a similar vein, she asked me to bring some fairly valuable jewelry to her, and when I wouldn't, she obsessed about it for months. I need to figure out a way to avoid showing her her finances without it becoming a big deal. She is a very stubborn person.

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Sounds JUST LIKE my father. He has been obsessed with money his entire life. Most likely because he grew up very very poor and worked hard to earn the money he had left - which is not alot. He is so proud that when he dies he would have some to give to his 4 kids. This is important to him.  Well, after 2 years in MC, there isn't a lot left. Money causes stress & anxiety in my father so I use the ol' 'doctors orders' NOT to discuss finances and remind him that he trusted me to be his POA. I say the same thing all the time... 2 years later - once in a while, he will call and ask what his bank balance is. My reply is 'Your money is fine. With VA benefits and SS it helps tremendously with the cost of living in MC (not even close!) and as I know money causes you anxiety Dad, balances are not important. You did good Dad - worked hard for your family, wife and 4 kids and you should be proud'. He has such a fear of dying poor... :-( I was SO tempted to falsify bank statements and such but you don't want to start something you will need to keep up with. Best to nip it now and continue to sooth and say the same each time and yes, redirect when you can. Good luck and God bless.  
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Mmmm...

Can you show her a summary?
Could you show her her investment portfolio?

Then, when she says oh goodee that'll get me a Bugatti and a couple of Daimlers you can hand her What Car and Classic Car and Formula One Today and tell her this needs careful research, it's not an impulse buy.

I sympathise with your anxieties. I certainly wouldn't show her the ALF statements without carefully matching them to gains in her investments. But... you do have an obligation here, as you recognise. It's her money she wants to know about, her jewellery she wants to see - you couldn't let her stroke it and then return it lickety-spit to safekeeping? - and most of all her habit to be orderly, and these are things you should try to assist as far as possible.

Keep a solemn face and give her genuinely as much data as you think she can handle. Bit of luck she'll get tired and be glad to give it up.
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Does she have dementia or cognitive issues? Dad had dementia and was in MC (memory care). He obsessed about the cost and his finances. Early on I would show him one bank statement, and he would just sit and hold it for awhile, because he couldn't understand it any longer. When asked about the cost of MC, I told him the VA was helping substantially (not true, but it satisfied him). My dad was too tight with money to have agreed to pay it all out of pocket, though he could def afford it.
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Wow, all of our parents must be related somehow.
My mom went to AL 3 months ago. She has some dementia and has asked, "Now, am I paying to live here?" The first time she asked how much, and I told her the truth, I thought she was going to insist on going back to her condo.
The next time she asked, I lied, and reduced the cost significantly. She still thinks it's a lot and asks if she still has money to cover everything (she does). I have not forwarded her mail because 1.) she can't do anything with it anyway and 2.) I don't want her bank statements lying around. I trust the employees, but you just never know.
With dementia, I think little lies can be overlooked. It's makes everything less stressful for everyone, and that's the whole purpose of AL.
Can you say, "Oh, I forgot them at home. I'll try to remember next time"? Then can you "forget" each time?
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"I'm working on getting that Mom"... redirect and ask how lunch was...
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Sounds like Dad. He even tried asking other residents how much they were paying -- and many of them couldn't tell you what they ate for lunch at 2:00 p.m.! Eventually he stopped obsessing about it, but the next thing was that the other residents were plotting an investment scheme and wouldn't let him in on it. Or that the building was being expanded, and there was money to be made, but again they wouldn't let him in on it. And afraid to eat, bc he didn't have any money to pay -- thought it was a restaurant. Mostly, I would just listen and try to redirect his attention to something else. The staff was very good with him, though his voice was very soft, and sometimes they couldn't hear him trying to voice concerns, and he would forget to push his pendant button.
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If you prepare a spreadsheet, also do a comparison. Show her the cost of home care versus the facility. Don't forget the costs associated with home maintenance, taxes, insurance, etc... And remember the doc said she needed 24/7 care. 😉 This would hopefully show her that you are responsible with her funds at choosing the least costly option.
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Both my folks are in AL, dad with moderate dementia, often confused about where he is, and mom with mild dementia. They are still adjusting but doing ok I think.

I recommend fibbing as much as you can get away with. I keep assuring them that the house is fine, I’m taking care of it (meeting with a realtor this week) and they have plenty of savings. (Enough for maybe 3 to 4 years at this place)

I also tell them their pensions, soc sec and insurance cover the cost of AL. (Actually, less than half). This is working for me so far.

Dad does have periods of agitation, tries to find his car and go get his money I took from him, but the staff redirects him and 5 minutes later....Never happened.
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She has some cognitive issues, most definitely, which is why she is living in AL. Up until now, I have been able to say "you told me to take care of all of the financial stuff" and that has satisfied her. The guy at her investment company told me that the last time she was there (a few years ago), he could tell she was a bit lost. She has always been very responsible about money, and a control freak about every aspect of her life. It's hard for her to lose this autonomy. I know that she really can't handle anything about the finances, though, and that she would freak out if she knew how much it really cost. I just want to have her forget about this, but I suspect that she might start obsessing.
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Can you show her a spreadsheet or set of books that shows what she wants to see? A therapeutic fib?

Would she recognize the date if you showed her an old statement?
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