My mom just turned 93 last month. She has lived with me almost 4 years. For a while she had been showing hints of memory loss but in the past 6 months or so I think she seems to be getting worse.
A few examples:I am convinced she thinks more than just her and I live here. She once said while looking into the garage, “I don’t know how you all manage with just one car”. Only she I live here. Once she thought my son’s girlfriend was my son. One evening, talking to my son, Jordan she did not know who his mother was but she kept asking about Mary (me Jordan’s mom). The kicker? There are days she is totally fine mentally.
She has lost interest in everything and just sits in her chair and stairs out the window in front of her. She has constant knee pain causing mobility issues. I am afraid if she doesn’t keep moving, she will lose what little mobility she has left.
This is all new to me. My dad passed from C-Diff several years ago so I am all my mother has left. Resentment creeps in at times because my life has become hers for the past 3 years. I keep reminding myself I am doing what needs to be done. I want to keep her at home as long as I can. For the first couple of years, I’ve always just called her “roomie” lol but now I feel I am actually progressing from roommate to caregiver.
Is there any way to know what to expect from here? Is she only gonna get worse? I assume she is. Guess I don’t really have a question in particular other than if anyone has some good tips, I would love to read them!
This site has been a godsend with much good advice!
A diagnosis and testing is not demeaning it is needed for an accurate diagnosis.
Hiring help is important for you as well as mom. She needs to get used to others helping and you need to realize you can not do this yourself 24/7/365.
If you accompany her to an appointment with the express purpose of diagnosising her, you can put a note in her medical portal to her primary and request the testing, and also request that the results not be overtly discussed in front of her. She may not comprehend it or even remember it, but if it makes *you* feel better...
There are other health issues which have symptoms that mimic dementia (like a UTI, thyroid condition, vitamin deficiency, dehydration) and they are all treatable. This is the other reason for testing: because dementia is diagnosed by also discounting all other causes.
The third reason is because if she ever gets to the point where she is depressed, anxious, agitated or violent, her primary will not be able to prescribe meds without her coming in for a physical, anyway. Been there, done that.
If your Mom hasn't assigned a PoA, then you should consider downloading those documents and having them on hand for her to sign and notarize when she's have a good day. If she doesn't assign someone she runs the risk of becoming the ward of a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian. You don't get to run her affairs just because you're her daughter. That's not how the law works.
I wish you success in getting her ducks in a row!
With my DH, the doctor faced him squarely while they were sitting, looking him directly in the face. Doctor said something like, "I know these memory issues you're having are concerning. We have medicines you can try to see if they help. You've done a great job of taking care of your health, and your body is almost perfect. Unfortunately, we can't always fix the brain. That's sad, isn't it?" DH nodded. Doctor went on to say other encouraging things and DH said he was eager to start Aricept. So we did.
In the after-visit notes, doctor wrote simply, "Dementia." But DH never accessed his patient portal, and he never heard that word, though he knew exactly what was going on.
You Mom is not in the early stages if she does not remember who people are. She needs testing to determine what type she has so the proper meds can be given her when she needs them.
2. If you can afford it I'd schedule a caregiver once a week for 3 or 4 hours a week (same day, same time). In Mom's town some of the agencies had a 3 hour minimum, some 4 hour minimum. The agencies will want same day, same times so they can staff. It is easier for them to staff approx 8:00 am - 2:00 pm as they have a lot of working Mom's. You get out during the 3-4 hour break.
3. Hydration is important. We pushed water in the morning.
4. Low to no sugar will help the brain.
5. We found a hearty breakfast every morning helped as Mom lost interest eating around dinner time. She would still eat at dinner but not as much.
Mom's breakfast for years was eggs (good for the brain), sausage or bacon, a bowl of fresh fruit, and a slice of gluten free toast with butter and a tiny spread of jam. (Mom is celiac.)
6. Sleep is important for the brain.
7. Make sure that Mom is not on any prescription meds that are contraindicated for brain health. You can talk to pharmacist and Mom's PCP about this.
8. Keep Mom off of any anticholinergic OTC supplements or anticholinergic prescription meds. They speed up brain decline. You can find lists on line and Mom's PCP was good about prescribing non anticholinergic meds.
9. Hospice would not enroll Mom until she could not talk and was bedbound and even then she lasted 18 months.
See her PCP first.
See a Neurologist and or a Neuropsychologist.
You need to decide if you can manage her care.
You hire caregivers to help you. Mom pays for them from HER assets.
Then you may have to decide if there might be a time that you have to place mom in Memory Care. Taking care of someone with dementia is not always an easy thing to do.
If you plan on keeping her at home get a Hospice evaluation as soon as possible. The help, support, supplies and equipment that you get from Hospice is invaluable. I could not have managed what I did for my Husband if it were not for Hospice.