How do I make the decision to place my mother somewhere and leave her home?

You can request a comprehensive cognitive/psychological assessment and a written report while she’s there, and from it you’ll hopefully get a fuller profile of how safe she’s able to continue on her own. The medication management is something of a tip off already.

We had to specifically request that this be done, also because we weren’t totally SURE what LO needed. If I hadn’t received help on that first attempt, I would have LO assessed by a second examiner. You can also request an OT evaluation that should give you some sense of what she can do on her own and what she should be receiving help with.

When my LO’s assessment was done, the psychiatrist came out and had a conference with me to get a full picture of LO’s deficits and strengths in relation to what she had determined in the test.

I hope you will find out the best way(s) to help her, moving forward.

I’ve stayed in the room for all her visits for the past 3 plus years. The last cognitive test she took with her pcp was probably 3 months ago and consisted of telling her 3 words that she needed to tell them back (she remembered 1) and drawing a clock with numbers and then putting 11:30. She drew the circle and numbers but couldn’t figure out where the hands went or which was for the hour or minute.
I just got off the phone with her care plan team as she is currently on day 3 at a Geri psych unit. They started her on seraquel and they think she is progressing and doing better but Idk bc of course I can’t visit.
I feel like nothing will be done until she can’t remember how to feed herself dress herself or use the bathroom.
My fear is that she still knows enough to talk them into thinking she is ok:( and I know she isn’t. I have a temporary surrogacy but there isn’t official POA papers :( I know I should have done that a long time ago.

She needs complete testing by neuro-psyc. You need conservatorship if you are not already the POA able to admit her. You should ask for a social worker now while she is inpatient and let them know she cannot return home. IF she was very different before this UTI you need to understand she may be back to herself when this UTI is over with, but if not, you may need to accept that it is time for placement because she is no longer safe on her own, and you cannot provide her 24/7 safe care. If they refuse to work with you now, then she will soon enough be back in their austices, and you need to tell them that discharge will result in no help for her, and she will be an "unsafe discharge" without home care. Use those words. Right now they are depending on the family to pick up the slack and while you do that, during covid times they will not admit her. Do understand most places are not yet vaccinated; any admittance to our overtaxed facilities does risk her life. For many there is simply no choice.

You have two questions going. As I said in the other one, a PCP does not have the experience needed to care for Mom. She needs a neurologist. Just from what I read here and in ur other post, Mom should never be left alone. Her Dementia has progressed too far.

You and siblings have big decisions to make. If you leave Mom in her home she will need 24/7 care and who is going to do it. I hope someone has POA because I don't think Mom is now competent to assign one. Mom can no longer may informed decisions. If she can't afford in home help and you and siblings can't help 24/7 then ur looking at LTC in a facility with Medicaid helping to pay for her care. Her SS and any pension she receives going to her care.

Let's start with what you can do. Do you or any siblings have PoA for your mom? If so, take her to her regular doctor and request a cognitive exam and stay in the room with her. I had to do this for my MIL. I told her it was a recheck for her UTI. but came with a pre-written note that I passed to the staff outlining my concerns and requesting a cognitive test. They were happy to accommodate. I stayed in the room and sat behind her, so that when the doc asked her questions, if her answers were not accurate, I'd shake my head with the correct answer for the doc to see.

With PoA you can either hire in-home help from an agency or decide to start interviewing facilities for AL. Please consider that her UTI may not have cleared up since you mention how quickly she is declining. She does not sound like she can be "independent" at home anymore. She hasn't been for the past 2 years as family has been orbiting around her. The gp unit/doctors can only go by what they see and what she tells them. That's why someone has to be in the appointment with her. In the end it is the PoA/family that decides when and how to intercede for mom to work in her best interests to protect her. If no one has PoA and your mom is not cooperative, this is a separate issue. Please provide this extra information.