I like the more direct approach. I never asked, I told, nicely. "Mom you will be spending a few days with John" When she says no, say sorry Mom, DH and I are going on a little honeymoon and I think a visit with John while we are gone would be very nice and they so much want to see you." If she bulks say "Mom I need to know ur safe while we r gone."
Otherwise, pack her clothes, put her in the car saying ur going to visit John. When you get there, spend a little time till she is comfortable, then tell her she will be staying a few days while you take a little vacation. Give her a hug and kiss and leave. Or pick a time when her attention is somewhere else. Then let John tell her she is staying with them for a few days.
I never told my Mom anything until just before we went. I only gave her 2 choices when we went out to eat. Sometimes, I just ordered her favorite.
"Mom, dear sibling wants you to come for a visit. This is not up for discussion. I am taking a vacation. The change of scenery will do you good. And you need to spend time with your other child. Now let's start packing."
I'd say get her there however you can. My mom and aunt went to my cousin in Tx a few years ago for 6 weeks,, and boy did it help my hubs and I;s relationship.. and they had fun being spoiled and taken here and there. My aunt wanted to come home earlier, but my cousin kept putting her off, and they both really ended up having a great time. Not in the cards anymore with my moms health.. but it was a blessing at the time
Been a lot of posts here about the ability to just say No, no discussion, just No, it is a complete sentence. Her options, Respite care or go to a siblings, you cannot let her dictate to you, you need to be in charge or she will run all over you and you will never get any recharge time.
You are an adult, you are now her equal, think about it that way.
Having a stubborn parent living in your home is difficult at best, then being tired and not getting the desperately needed break just feels overwhelming.
I would encourage you to get a month, 2 weeks at each siblings house.
Buy her a nice new pair of sketchers tennis shoes to cushion the bunion for the walk to the car.
She will survive being with her other adult children for a while, regardless of what she thinks.
Thank you love! That IS my intention, but she is so very stubborn! I am so overwhelmed. I work full time, my husband died one year ago of cancer, and now I have the house/lawn as well. It has been so difficult not having a break. When I speak to my siblings, they say they understand. But, it seems their issues are always worse. Can you believe it? I manage all of mom's affairs with the doctors, etc. She has been living with us, now me for 6.5 years. My brother and sister were supposed to be taking her and switching off every month; which would only be every two months for each. But not happening. So I finally get a break for 4 days! Mom is saying she isn't going, because her feet hurt. She still walks around with her cane at home, but yes, she does have bad feet; bunions and now a couple of sores, since she won't wear her stockings. Stubborn I tell ya!! Thanks for re-iterating what I thought I had to do! Bless you too!
Yes, hahaha that is funny! I just can't lie. I think I am part George Washington. lol My conscience is too aware, so to speak. It won't let me live it down. There will be a day, we have to leave for new spray foam insulation, but I have to get the money first, and that's only 24 hours. She says, "just don't mind me, I'll stay in my room!" Well, you know that doesn't work, since I am not truly alone. I do have a caregiver come during the day. My sister and brother in law pay most of that. Mom has to pay one week, which she resents. Thanks again! You made me laugh!!!
Don't tell her, don't argue, just do it like it is a done deal.
If she throws a fit you can tell her that she has a choice, visit sibling or go to a facility permanently, she is not in charge and she is not the only one that matters. It works for everyone or it doesn't work.
Otherwise, pack her clothes, put her in the car saying ur going to visit John. When you get there, spend a little time till she is comfortable, then tell her she will be staying a few days while you take a little vacation. Give her a hug and kiss and leave. Or pick a time when her attention is somewhere else. Then let John tell her she is staying with them for a few days.
I never told my Mom anything until just before we went. I only gave her 2 choices when we went out to eat. Sometimes, I just ordered her favorite.
You are an adult, you are now her equal, think about it that way.
Good Luck!
Having a stubborn parent living in your home is difficult at best, then being tired and not getting the desperately needed break just feels overwhelming.
I would encourage you to get a month, 2 weeks at each siblings house.
Buy her a nice new pair of sketchers tennis shoes to cushion the bunion for the walk to the car.
She will survive being with her other adult children for a while, regardless of what she thinks.
Don't tell her, don't argue, just do it like it is a done deal.
If she throws a fit you can tell her that she has a choice, visit sibling or go to a facility permanently, she is not in charge and she is not the only one that matters. It works for everyone or it doesn't work.