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She is having pain in her arms. Mamagram lady holding her up pulled her shoulder and arms a lot. She uses walker and had to have someone hold her up. Sitting was excruciating. She also much have pulled a muscle the day before lifting up three dishes to put away instead of one. She also has arthritis. She is using a moist heating pad and taking lots of pain pills. (giving her stomach problems). She doesn't want to go to doctor cause its 50 degrees on Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday warmer but rain. She says she can't hold umbrella with walker. (If she asked brother he might hold umbrella over her). I suggested before that brother use wheelchair to take her to doctor. Her answer is I might have to go to bathroom (she does all the time). I said he could take you inside and go back for walker. She said he probable would not do it. He doesn't talk to me. We don't have a relationship. I have to drive the backroad to get to her house. One and a half hours away. Brother lives with her. I can't drive in rain. This is just latest in the constant problems she has.

Barbara

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You feel responsible for your mom's health even though she won't listen to the doctor or you? That does not sound workable at all. If she wants help she should be willing to accept it on the terms you want to offer it or seek help from other sources. Unless she has dementia she is responsible for her life, not you. If you lay out clear boundaries for what you will do, and not do, then she has to work with that. If she cannot manage, then outside help, APS interference if really bad.. But not wise to enable an unworkable situation by hanging on and on - then where is the motivation to do anything to correct it? I think this is a situation where you have to realize that YOU have the power to control you, she does not control you.
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She has a person who is normally a caregiver to the elderly. Once a week she does the laundry and does light cleaning. She told me I should come visit more often to see moms condition. But she would call me if things get real bad with mom.

I don't think medicare would pay for a visiting nurse. They pay when mom comes back from hospital for a short while. Then they stop. Medicare doen't pay for inhome care eighter. They don't want to pay for what they don't have to. Plus mom would say she doesn't need it, even if they would pay. And would tell the person visit this time but don't come back.

The issue that is bothering me is that I feel like Im responcible for moms wellbeing and physical health. Even though she won't listen to doctor or me. And keeps doing what she wants to even if its not best for her.
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Hadnuff, It is possible to get them a cleaning lady once a week? This person could also report back as to how they are doing. None of you are getting any younger. Could her MD send a visiting nurse?
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He isn't a live in caregiver. He is only there because he lost his apartment. He is on SSI and didn't pass inspection. Never cleaned refrigerator, stove, was messy, etc. He has personality disorder. Gets angry easily, is lazy. Won't take care of mom. Only takes her to doctors, puts new tennis balls on walker, gets groseries, looks for hearing aid if she drops it. Things like that. She calls me with all her troubles, achs and pains. I make phone calls for her. Buy stuff and mail it to her. I feel like I am responsible for her life even thought I'm not. Her mind is fine. In fact she won't take suggestions from anyone. Much less me.

Barbara
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I don't understand. If your brother is living with her and taking care of her, what role are you playing? I would think it's much harder on your brother, as the live-in caregiver of sorts.
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