I take care of my grandma. I have been for the last 7 months. I'm 17, about to turn 18. My mom is a single parent, she works a very, very large amount of time, with 4 kids of which I'm the oldest, and she home schools all three of the younger ones, while I go to college. I'm soon taking on more credits at school, and really need a full-time job to help my mom with paying for the kids. My grandma has vascular dementia, had a stroke, has mobility issues, and this point does not remember who I am or where she is most of the time. Since I'm the oldest, I'm with her at night, and most of the day, unless I'm at school or at my 2 hours a week job. I'm incredibly burnt out, struggling, and giving up on living my own life. My mom thinks that placing her into a nursing home facility is the right choice, in order to give her the proper care, and so that both she and I can juggle all of the other things. I feel so guilty, because I was her primary caregiver, and I love her dearly. I don't want to see her in a nursing home. I don't know what the right thing is anymore. How can I let go of this, and try to live my own life? I feel like I'm failing my grandma, mom and the rest of my family.
I don’t have grandchildren. If I did I would want a grandchild like you. You are so lovely!
I adored my grandma too. She was a special lady, just like your grandma is to you.
I have two daughters and I wouldn’t want them to be saddled with the responsibility that you are.
I am in no way insulting your mom. She has done the best that she could. It’s tough being a single mom.
Your mom loves you and your grandma and wants what is best for both of you. For grandma, the best place is a nursing home so she will have a professional staff available to her 24/7 365. For you, the best place is planning for your future.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have been an angel!
Guilt serves no positive purpose, it won't help you or your grandmother.
You are going to be her advocate, you are going to make sure that she is being taken care of in the manner she deserves. That is so important, you can't imagine how important it is that she has someone that is ensuring that she is receiving proper care.
You are going to be able to be her grandchild and do enrichment activities with her. I bet right now you don't have time to fix her hair or paint her nails or take her for a nice walk outside. Not having to do the care will give you time for these types of things that make us feel special.
I know that nursing homes are pretty scary looking, I used to walk to visit my grandmother in one when I was 11 years old and it pretty much freaked me out at 1st. Then it just became the place grandma lives at.
As a grandma myself I believe that your grandma would want you to be able to pursue your life and live while you are young, things change as we age and you should be doing some of the things that teenagers do, cuz it looks ridiculous when a twentysomething is doing what teenagers do, so don't go there.
You sound pretty amazing and you will still be there for your grandma, you just won't have to be tied to her. May God give you understanding and strength during this difficult journey.
Be sure and take the younger ones to visit, all the residents love when young people are in the house, saying hi and giving hugs will bless everyone.
Hugs to you for all you do.