How do I know when I should bring Mom home from the convalescent home? She just turned 101 and has been there for 2.5 months.

Thanks all! We have found a Board and Care Home. I hope and pray all works out and mom can move by the end of the week. Your responses helped me to
decide that I can't take care of her by myself. I did go to the convalescent home on Friday and watch them get her changed, dressed and up in chair. I
suggest others do the same.

Did you lose your appeal to keep her longer in rehab?

How did your mother come to live with you last June? Do you have siblings?

If you don't know if you can handle having to do so much for her, then you probably can't.

What is her financial situation?

Now's the chance to say you cannot handle her care at home. And remember, any help the rehab center promises isn't going to happen. Placement back to your home "temporarily" means permanently.

NOW is your best chance to get her into a facility. Insist that releasing her to your home would be an unsafe discharge, as you are not capable of caring for her.

When my mother was hospitalized for a gallbladder infection for 17 days, they tried to make me learn how to take care of the gallbladder drain (they wouldn't remove her gallbladder because of her age and frailty). They would say things to me like you need to learn in case your mother calls you up in the middle of the night (? She wasn't going to be living "independently" again!). Then they tried to get me to learn how to strap it to her leg. My mother went downhill mentally permanently during her hospitalization, and she never made it back to her condo. (ended up in rehab which became her LTC placement).

I think they will really be pushing for you to take her home (and she has probably been telling them that you will take care of her), because that is where she was living. You will have to stand strong and say NO.

Caregiving has to work for both parties. It is OK not to want to give up having your own life.

I think you need to investigate all the options that might be available.

Also, I think you should be clear on what catheter care, hygiene, etc. would look like in the home. (And from someone who actually does it, not relying on some above-it-all doctor who is never changing diapers, etc. him or herself). Can you realistically do it day after day, or find reliable people in your area who would show up to do it?

Not to be a naysayer but caregiving is hard and there is a physical and emotional toll.

If you do not know if you can handle it, then you probably cannot handle it. Doubt is often the truth but we are afraid of admitting to it. It is not weakness to know your own limits, but it is foolish to try and overcome those limits without fully understanding your own capabilities first.

I do not think you should take her home personally.

Look around Mom's convelescent room, the equipment she needs. Then look at the tasks the staff do. Look at the time required to assist.

Compare to your home & current life.

Can you fit the type of equipment she needs? Are steps? Is the bathroom assessable?

Some nursing tasks may be done by community nursing visits, like changing a catheter bag or any wound dressing changes. Aides can visit 2-3 times a week for bathing assist.

But tasks like assisting with all mobilisation (for walking, transfers to chair/bed) giving medicine (inc insulin), continence care (emptying urine catheter bag, changing continence pads & hygiene in this area) will need to be done multi times daily.

Who will do those daily tasks?

You can be trained for these tasks or maybe you have experience already in this area. But even if you are a trained RN, it doesn't always follow you want to do this for family.

Or that you have the time required. All those tasks take MUCH time. Would saying yes to being a 24/7 carer mean saying no to working, looking after children/grandchildren, other commitments?

You may decide this very personal level of care is not for you. Or that it could not work timewise. Or too many stairs etc.

It is not for me to influence you. Just pointing out issues I can think of.

If you can't - you can't. And that's ok.

So, your mom is in rehab, getting therapy after a broken hip.

She had moved in with you 8 months ago, presumably because she could no longer live alone.

Now is a good time to make a decision about where she will live, going forward. The fact that rehab says it's time for discharge does not mean "it's time for her to come back to your house".

You need to talk to the discharge planning folks at rehab about what her care needs are and what her resources are. You need to find out if Assisted Living facilities can handle her care, and if she can afford one.

From what I have read in your responses to the answers on your post, you already know the answer, that you should not or cannot bring mom back into your home, as it is just too much for you at this point in your life. Your mom has had her life and there's no reason for you to have to give up yours to care for her.
So talk to the social worker at the rehab facility and tell them that they will have to find placement for her as she can't return to your home.
I believe that if your mom understood the scope of what her care now requires that she would NEVER want to put that on you, so it's now time to do what's not only best for mom, but for you as well.
God bless you.

I'm only 63! I have a full life with church activities and watch 3 year old twin grandkids 2-3 days a week. I'm just not sure how much of my life I want to give up. After working in a convalescent home while in college I told myself I would never have her stay in one but now the alternative is taking care of her myself. She broke her hip on Thanksgiving day and had surgery the next day. Been there doing therapy but they say she won't get much better - needs help with transfers and only walking 15-30 feet.

Rudis21: I am glad to read your update wherein you stated that you have located the Board and Care home. Best wishes with that.

Good luck to you! You done the right thing!