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This is all new to me. I've been able to keep my 85-year-old mother at home for the past 18 months since my Dad passed. Unfortunately, the latest UTI and COVID restrictions has landed her in Rehab for 21 days in a nursing home where I can't visit. I've talked to nurses who tell me she is still very confused AND they have lost her bottom partials (dentures). I'm an only child and completely guilt-ridden over this situation. Even though Momma doesn't know I'm her daughter most days, she is still my Mom...... Any ideas what to do about partial (dentures)? I don't want to be ugly and then the staff take it out on Momma, but I find it inexcusable to lose half of someone's teeth!!! Thanks for any advice.....

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Even if you are not entitled to visit with your mother under CV restrictions, you are entitled to status information about her care like what rehab therapy she is receiving, how well she is progressing, what the future rehab/care plan is, etc.

While I understand you wanting to keep your mother happy, sometimes safe has to start coming before happiness. If resources allow, you may feel better bringing your mother home with in home PT/OT and some in home support hours; however, if your mother has cognitive issues in the home then she may be at the point she needs a facility for 24/7 supervision, not necessarily in the facility the hospital chose.
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Is she in just to get her strength back? You can have therapy at home. I went thru this and swore I would not put my Mom in rehab again. First, I told them there was no money to pay for her care after the 20 days Medicare pays 100% so they better do what needed to be done in that time. Therapy was maybe an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. The rest of the time she was in a wheelchair which was uncomfortable because of her back. I asked aides everyday for cushions which I got. When I finally had care meeting I asked why I had to ask for a cushion everyday and was told by the therapist she determines that. What! My Mom had arthritis and had a fracture that had healed but caused her some discomfort. Then I found she wasn't getting her Thyroid meds. Then I was told she couldn't follow instructions or remember her exercises. She has Dementia! They kept her 18 days. She was confused and unhappy the whole time. I swore next time therapy would be done at her AL.

You can have her discharged with therapy at home. And remember, you do not have to agree to rehab. They make it seem like its mandatory because they don't ask, they tell. "We are sending your LO to rehab and these are the ones available". There are times when rehab is needed. I don't think to just get your strength back after a 3 or 4 day hospital stay warrants it. I was told Mom would never walk again without assistance. Got her back to her AL and she was walking all over with her walker.

Remember, rehab is a money maker and they will milk Medicare for as long as they can. To insure Mom is out by the 20days (and it is 20 not 21) tell admitting that she can't pay passed that time. Don't let them apply for Medicaid. A can of worms you don't want to open until you need to.

I would ask how she is progressing in therapy. Is she able to follow instructions, remember exercises. Do they see any improvement? Confusion is caused because Mom is with strange people in a strange place. If you feel her being there is not helping, talk to the DON and tell him/her that you want Mom discharged and therapy set up in your home. Don't let them tell you she can't be released, she can be against medical advice (AMA). If they won't set up therapy in your home, call Moms PCP. It just takes a doctor's order. And if told Medicare won't pay the bill, thats false, they pay for the time she was there.
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deblwalker Jun 2020
I'm not even sure she is having therapy at this time. The nurse I spoke with yesterday told me she was still very confused and not mobile. I took her Rollator to the Nursing Home, but they obviously are ignoring it or she is not able to use it.

Momma really is in pretty bad shape. I have had sitters on and off for the past 6-9 months, but she doesn't like anyone in her home. I'm the only child and only caretaker for her, and I've about hit my limit......

When she falls (3-4 times weekly), I'm the one she calls to come pick her up. I'm the one who goes twice a day to make sure her medicine is laid out and also that she has food available to eat.

I feel really guilty about her being there alone, but I've just hit my limit. The night I stayed in the hospital with her, she said some pretty nasty things to me. I sat on the floor in front of her chair to try to keep her seated, but she continually kicked me, swatted at me, and talked ugly.....

I have never been close to my mother (a big Daddy's girl), and there has always been a rift between us. I promised her I would take care of her, but she doesn't even remember I'm her daughter. She argues with me that MY daughter is HER daughter.....

Sorry for rambling, but I'm just at a loss for which direction to go. I feel she is getting better care in the Nursing Home, but I fear signing up to leave her longterm. On the flip side, I just cannot handle her at home any more. I am not a nurse, and my back and nerves are at the breaking point.
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"What is your plan for replacing them?"

Don't get ugly. Find out what their plan is. Read the admissions paperwork to find out what they are responsible for.
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deblwalker Jun 2020
I don't have any admissions paperwork. She was transferred directly from the hospital to Rehab at this nursing home.

Due to the COVID restrictions, I have not been able to see her since last Wednesday. Which was the day after the hospital called me at 11 pm and asked if I could come stay with her. They couldn't control her. She was agitated and determined to leave (with or without help).

That night she was walking pretty good in a small space, but generally, she can only take small steps a few at a time.
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