My brother is coming to visit and to give me a respite. How do I keep him from giving my Dad too much beer?

Have a large supply of nonalcoholic beer in the house. Dad probably won't notice it. Tell your brother to give him that, and if he gives him REAL beer, you'll poke out both of his eyes. If you get home and it's obvious he's not abided by your instructions, well, me? I might just follow through.

;)

Go. Have a good time. "Let go and let God."

I don't understand why your brother would want to put your dad in a position to get sick. If the brother wants to drink, fine, but why drag dad down with him during this visit? If you told your brother that your dad was allergic to peanuts would your brother bring a whole bag of peanuts over for your dad to snack on?

Now that I've gotten my two cents out of the way, don't worry about the guys while you're gone. You can't control someone's behavior and it will ruin your time away if you're worried about this the whole time. My dad had a drinking problem and he had certain people who were triggers. If it were me I'd get away and have a wonderful, peaceful time NOT worrying about my dad.

Enjoy your time off and let the alcoholics enjoy theirs. No way you can police other peoples behaviours so stop beating youtself up.

Let go, you have done and are doing your best. Alcohol is an awful drink for some people. "Let go and Have fun"
You are in control of yourself. The other 90% of the time you are there for your father and do the very best you can. Advice from one whom has just gotten over caregiver burnout. "Take care of yourself"

Remember that witty t-shirt New Musical Express types used to wear in the 70s that went "Drinking problem? I drink. I fall over. No problem."

Ohboyohboyohboyohboyoh…

If you feel like spending any more time on it, you could show your brother a picture of what happens to your dad when he falls. Because it's just not funny any more. I appreciate (and smiled at) what you say about trying to talk to him, so maybe stark images would make more of an impression than words.

It's a matter of tackling the positive good intention. Your brother doesn't give your father beer because he thinks it's bad for him. He gives it to him because they both like it and he refuses to see that anything has changed. He doesn't see the harm. So show him the harm.

That may not stop him, of course. Denial is a powerful thing.

I am a bit confused---is your father still in an ALF? Or does he live with you in your home?

When you're away, you can't control what's going on with your brother & father. You certainly aren't going to stop your brother from drinking.

So, what's the big deal? If your father ties one on, you're not going to be there anyway & he'll be sobered up by the time you get back. If he's in ALF, there are people there that can assist him. Don't worry about it. Go away, have some fun, relax & re-group----don't obsess over your father's drinking. Remember----he's an adult & can do whatever he wants to do.

You can't stop either one of them from drinking "too much" beer. If they're alcoholics they're going to drink until they're drunk. If your brother brings beer into the ALF, your dad is sure to demand some, and brother can't be expected to refuse. Neither can he be relied on to cut dad off after two beers.
And you can't expect your nephew to step in and put a stop to it.
The best you can do is take care of yourself, and enjoy your time away.

itgroup ,
i havent had a drink in three weewks but after reading that allknowing sack of drivel im ready to get hammered .

Um, itgroup, do you have a suggestion for the particular question asked? While daughterlinda is overseeing her father's care, he does not have access to liquor. (Or excessive liquor -- not sure). She needs a break from caring for him. Other family members who will oversee his care in her absence may not respect her desire to limit his access to beer. I don't see that she is asking for advice on what kind of recovery program he should be in. Just what should she arrange while she is way? How should she deal with this?

This is a tough problem especially since it not being your own home you can't control who comes and goes. My mom enjoys a glass of Bailey's occasionally so I brought a bottle to her nursing home and they keep it behind the nurses station and offer her a wee bit now and then. A very wee bit.

Its too bad you couldn't make some kind of similar arrangement with the ALF where your father is. But if he has a drinking problem as you say a wee bit probably would not suffice and I guess you can't reason with your brother.

I'm sorry for your problem. Good Luck!!