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Although it sounds like your MIL might be suffering from dementia, people handle grief in different ways. Your MIL might feel she’s in competition with your wife to see “who can show they miss Dad the most.” The fact that they’re together 24/7 doesn’t help. When my dad passed, I was so busy soothing my mom who had adopted the “Little Girl Lost” demeanor, I was never able to properly grieve for him. Mom was always a Drama Queen, and she showed her “coping skills” by complaining about my deceased dad constantly. My children and my husband finally told me to speak with “Nana” and tell her to knock it off. I did and she did. If Mom checks out ok and the verbal abuse continues, defend your lady. Living with you is a privilege and not a right. I’d come right out and tell her if she can’t be civil, you’ll have to make other living arrangements for her. Of course, if she is diagnosed with dementia, all those bets are off. But, even then she can be told to “use nice words to your daughter” and encourage your wife to leave the room. Boundaries can be set with dementia patients but consistentcy is imperative and your wife nas to be on board with this as well.

Come back often and let us know how you’re doing.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ahmijoy

Good idea!!!! She does have some mental issues - depression i believe. YES my wife and her had a great relationship - we wanted them to move in. BUT my FIL warned my wife that it might not be a good idea - not getting into details she is not a positive person like my FIL - they lived here only 18 months before he passed 2 months ago today. She has started to forget everything - we are hoping that is due to the grief! She even forgets when she is mean so its hard to talk to her about it. Thank you!!!
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Reply to StacyHB79

Get MIL seen by a geratric psychiatrist. Does she have long standing mental health issues? Did she and your wife have a good relationship previously?

How did she happen to move in with you? Whose choice was that?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn