My mom is 86 with her own health issues and my dad is 87 with dementia and is incontinent. They live together an hour away from me and refuse to have people coming in the home. I see my dad not being able to move around very well and not really knowing what is going on. I think it is best for my dad who does not want to leave his house to go to a skilled facilty. Please advise.

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This "I want to stay in my house till I die" drives me crazy. And TV doesn't help with the reverse mortgage thing and the training of family members to be your caregiver so you can stay in your house. There comes a time we will not be able to stay in our homes. Fixed incomes and cost of living goes up. One spouse dies leaving the other with less money.

Really, even though I have cleaned out, I still look at my 4 bedroom house and think, I'm not ready to move yet. Just got done cleaning out Moms white elephant. But I know that I can't live here the rest of my life. Too many stairs for one thing. Better I sell it in next 10 yrs instead of waiting till my 80s when it really will be overwhelming. Which I think is part of the problem. Its just too overwhelming for the elderly.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Can you have a private chat with your uncle and aunt, tell them your worries and ask them if they can be positive when talking to your own parents? Then perhaps just wait for a few weeks for them to realise that moving isn’t the end of the world, before you raise the issue for them. You could try taking a video of all the rooms in their house, ‘so that they have good memories for when and if they do decide to move later on’. Perhaps start asking about who they would like to leave things to (jewellery to grandchildren etc). Just keep raising the idea that they are going to move, no pressure but as soon as they are ready.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

ZenHorse, any chance that your parents could move to an Independent Living facility where your Dad could get optional extra care, and still be able to be able to live with your Mom. It depends on your parent's budget.

Then when the time comes where Dad needs a village to help him, if the facility offers a Memory Care area, both your parents can still remain in the same complex. Your Mom could go visit Dad for meals, etc. And then Mom can return to her Independent Living to give herself a much needed break.
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Reply to freqflyer
ZenHorse Mar 29, 2019
My dad built his house 53 years ago and is a hoarder, he and my mom are very attached to this home. My mom's brother and sister-in-law both in their 80's just moved into a independent living facility last weekend. I am hoping this will inspire them. Currently, their goal is to stay in their home till they pass. I think my mom should be able to enjoy her life and not feel she has to spend the last of her energy caring for him and she can not watch him all the time ,,, she can not hear when she sleeps because she takes out her hearing aides ... I feel anything could happen in those 12 hours and it is becoming a safety issue. Looking to help guide my mom with ease and gentleness ....

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