How do I help my father?

My Dad was sick at a fairly young age and in and out of rehab facilities. During one stay he told me of a patient who had signed a DNR. This lady was ready to die. However a new patient a gentleman was admitted and they got to know each other. One day she approached the desk and asked if she could please tear up her DNR and order some Viagra. So my Dad's take was that people need a reason to live that excites them. Don't know what that would be for your Dad.

I don't know what you can do if he chooses not to get up and about. If he continues to lie in bed, his circulatory system will suffer from it. But it seems that he may have lost the will to live. Is your father a religious man? I wonder if some of his spiritual friends might be able to pick him up some. Is his pain management working for him? I wish I could think of something that might work, but friends and pain management are the only things I can think of, and I know how difficult both can be at our parents' age.

My mom always had big flower gardens and took care of the outside of our house. Now I get her little flowering houseplants and she loves them. Get your dad an herb garden or get him to help with indoor plants to make him feel useful. Start some plants from seed, study up on germinating them inside. Maybe do some inside growing that you could give away to others, to help them. That's all I can think of. But I would also get him checked out for depression. Some kind of medication might help him adjust to the changes in his life.

First, often pain is enhanced when there is coexisting depression. There are so many side effects to chemical antidepressants, especially in the elderly where they are routinely used. Go online and research the use of a combination of SAM-e and St Johns wart. Nutraceuticals and herbals are used in Germany 80 times more often than typical prescription medication for depression. Actually I should say they are prescribed by doctors in Germany INSTEAD of standard drugs.

Second, with both RA and OA, he has a double whammy with pain. If he isn't already, you need to get him to a board certified pain management specialist, preferably one with geriatric experience. Without sufficient pain control, he isn't going to want to move and, yes, that will begin to cause its own unique subset of complications.

I agree that he needs a hospital bed if he doesn't already have one and maybe pneumatic air mattress that is designed for an adjustable bed. it may also help if you get him and electric lift chair that helps him be raised and lowered from the sitting position. Situate this chair in a place where the rest of the family spends time, such as the living room, den or great room, where he can be socially included as part of the family rather than be secluded in his bedroom. Initially you could place the chair in his bedroom so he has an alternative to the bed. To get these chairs through the doorway of bedrooms, you have to make sure you get one of the more expensive models where the back detaches.

If you can get him sitting up, watching television, listening to music, etc. and he begins to feel socially involved in the family, he might take more interest in life. Wirh so many channels available on TV these days, you can surely find a program on farming or gardening may grab his attention.

Has dad been checked for metastatic cancer in his bones. Sometimes radiotherapy can help. if its too much effort he can stop. This is not curative but does shrink the tumors and relieve pain. It is his call. is your mother still alive and is she with you?. It sounds as though it is getting close to the time to call in hospice. if he seems content let him be

Firstly, I wonder if you could get your dad some Voltaren Emulgel, it is a topical anti-inflammatory gel that is very helpful for arthritis, it has really helped my mum. Up here in Canada a prescription isn't required but I think in the states you need one. Secondly, could you purchase a lightweight Transport wheelchair, they are great for taking elderly people for walks, easy to push. I bought one for my mum, it cost a little over $100 and she sits in it outside and I put a T.V. table in front of her and she has her lunch outdoors (weather permitting). I'm thinking your dad might like to be outdoors again. If you ask him he will probably say No. If you surprise him with the chair and take him outside, I bet he would be in his element :-) Good Luck!

Also I just thought of something else for your dad's hearing. Sometimes elderly people need to have their ears flushed out due to wax build up, my mum had this done because she could hardly hear anything and I put a few drops of warmed olive oil in each ear for a couple of days and then took her to the doc, he flushed the wax out and she can hear EVERYTHING! Also, headphones that plug into the T.V. are a great thing.. worth a try! :-)

1tired- The headphones that my mum has are made by Sennheiser (you could Google and have a look). My cousin hooked them up to the back of her T.V. Once they are hooked up no one else can hear the volume to her t.v. My cousin turned the volume all the way down to 0 and then hooked the headphones up, I should tell you that this particular set of headphones come with a pre-set volume that cannot be adjusted, so once they are set up your dad will not be able to adjust the volume, the volume from the t.v. does not adjust the volume in the headphones. He should not have to adjust the volume because it is very loud when you put the headphones on. You can also get a cord extension if he is a long way away from the t.v. The only time I have heard any noise from my mum's t.v is if I am in her t.v. room and she takes the headphones off, I can hear the noise coming out of the headphones, but I cannot hear any noise if I am in a different room. Good Luck!

Thank you I will check that out, it has been one of several ongoing battles. I have severe menopause related insomnia and he wakes me often with cowboys and Indians and sports related noises never mind the necessary nightly bathroom trips...and he just does not care at all. I had checked out TV ears mentioned by someone else in another thread, but the reviews were quite mixed.

Just a guess but his man was a farmer all his life He is interested in the price of corn and hogs. he just might pick up a tractor catalog, but a seed catalog with big fat tomatoes and pole beans. No. Can you find another farmer with dirty smelly boots to visit and that might wake him up