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My 82 y/o father suffers greatly with pain from osteo and rheumatoid arthritis. He is deaf and hearing aids work little to help. He stays in bed almost constantly staring at the ceiling. Lights off, no tv, no music, no reading but awake and staring at the ceiling. What do I do?

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My cousin said that his dad used the cordless headphones and they weren't nearly as good as the set that plugs into the t.v. They took the cordless ones back because there was frequency interference. Mum has been happy with hers anyway.
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My dad had cordless headphones that were Sony I believe. They were great. My dad had two hearing aids that he hardly ever wore. The headphones were a Godsend for my mom.
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Thank you I will check that out, it has been one of several ongoing battles. I have severe menopause related insomnia and he wakes me often with cowboys and Indians and sports related noises never mind the necessary nightly bathroom trips...and he just does not care at all. I had checked out TV ears mentioned by someone else in another thread, but the reviews were quite mixed.
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1tired- The headphones that my mum has are made by Sennheiser (you could Google and have a look). My cousin hooked them up to the back of her T.V. Once they are hooked up no one else can hear the volume to her t.v. My cousin turned the volume all the way down to 0 and then hooked the headphones up, I should tell you that this particular set of headphones come with a pre-set volume that cannot be adjusted, so once they are set up your dad will not be able to adjust the volume, the volume from the t.v. does not adjust the volume in the headphones. He should not have to adjust the volume because it is very loud when you put the headphones on. You can also get a cord extension if he is a long way away from the t.v. The only time I have heard any noise from my mum's t.v is if I am in her t.v. room and she takes the headphones off, I can hear the noise coming out of the headphones, but I cannot hear any noise if I am in a different room. Good Luck!
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Macada, I am trying to buy such a set of headphones for FIL. Can you recommend a brand? The ads are so confusing and when I read the reviews some of them are terrible. I want ones that he can listen with no volume for us to hear as our bedrooms are side by side and he has been keeping me up for years!
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Also I just thought of something else for your dad's hearing. Sometimes elderly people need to have their ears flushed out due to wax build up, my mum had this done because she could hardly hear anything and I put a few drops of warmed olive oil in each ear for a couple of days and then took her to the doc, he flushed the wax out and she can hear EVERYTHING! Also, headphones that plug into the T.V. are a great thing.. worth a try! :-)
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Firstly, I wonder if you could get your dad some Voltaren Emulgel, it is a topical anti-inflammatory gel that is very helpful for arthritis, it has really helped my mum. Up here in Canada a prescription isn't required but I think in the states you need one. Secondly, could you purchase a lightweight Transport wheelchair, they are great for taking elderly people for walks, easy to push. I bought one for my mum, it cost a little over $100 and she sits in it outside and I put a T.V. table in front of her and she has her lunch outdoors (weather permitting). I'm thinking your dad might like to be outdoors again. If you ask him he will probably say No. If you surprise him with the chair and take him outside, I bet he would be in his element :-) Good Luck!
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My Dad was sick at a fairly young age and in and out of rehab facilities. During one stay he told me of a patient who had signed a DNR. This lady was ready to die. However a new patient a gentleman was admitted and they got to know each other. One day she approached the desk and asked if she could please tear up her DNR and order some Viagra. So my Dad's take was that people need a reason to live that excites them. Don't know what that would be for your Dad.
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Has dad been checked for metastatic cancer in his bones. Sometimes radiotherapy can help. if its too much effort he can stop. This is not curative but does shrink the tumors and relieve pain. It is his call. is your mother still alive and is she with you?. It sounds as though it is getting close to the time to call in hospice. if he seems content let him be
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Thanks for the input. Dad does have both a hospital bed and a lift chair. He has been seeing pain management for years and is being treated for depression as well. He has had cancer three times and very serious cancers ( prostate, esophageal and prostate). He has moved in with me which means he left his home state and extended family. He is a fine Christian man so his fairth is pretty much what has sustained him. I agree he is pretty much resigned to the end of life. The inside farming is a good thought though standing and sitting are painful. However laying in bed all day does not help. And no I do not have a 17 year old daughter who thinks she is a princess! LOL! Good guess though.
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Just a guess but his man was a farmer all his life He is interested in the price of corn and hogs. he just might pick up a tractor catalog, but a seed catalog with big fat tomatoes and pole beans. No. Can you find another farmer with dirty smelly boots to visit and that might wake him up
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First, often pain is enhanced when there is coexisting depression. There are so many side effects to chemical antidepressants, especially in the elderly where they are routinely used. Go online and research the use of a combination of SAM-e and St Johns wart. Nutraceuticals and herbals are used in Germany 80 times more often than typical prescription medication for depression. Actually I should say they are prescribed by doctors in Germany INSTEAD of standard drugs.

Second, with both RA and OA, he has a double whammy with pain. If he isn't already, you need to get him to a board certified pain management specialist, preferably one with geriatric experience. Without sufficient pain control, he isn't going to want to move and, yes, that will begin to cause its own unique subset of complications.

I agree that he needs a hospital bed if he doesn't already have one and maybe pneumatic air mattress that is designed for an adjustable bed. it may also help if you get him and electric lift chair that helps him be raised and lowered from the sitting position. Situate this chair in a place where the rest of the family spends time, such as the living room, den or great room, where he can be socially included as part of the family rather than be secluded in his bedroom. Initially you could place the chair in his bedroom so he has an alternative to the bed. To get these chairs through the doorway of bedrooms, you have to make sure you get one of the more expensive models where the back detaches.

If you can get him sitting up, watching television, listening to music, etc. and he begins to feel socially involved in the family, he might take more interest in life. Wirh so many channels available on TV these days, you can surely find a program on farming or gardening may grab his attention.
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Do you have a 17 year old daughter who's a princess? Just a guess.

Can he sit? My father enjoyed nature videos, and you don't need to hear to enjoy them. Would he enjoy a visiting dog or cat?

Ask him what he thinks will happen to him, and how long he thinks he will live. Maybe he thinks he will die right away, but tell him he might live another 5 or 10 years, and should find an interest so he won't go insane. If he can sit at all, teach him to Google, and maybe find a website with old pictures. I just looked up the Chicago 1893 Exposition. What great images!

Can he go for a ride in the country?

I'm so sorry. Old age, and caregiving, are NOT for sissies.
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Is your dad living with you? If he does, consider this. I know this is going to sound silly to us, but have you thought of having some window vegetable plants? He may resist it at first, but you can start them and tell him they aren't doing so well and ask him to look at them and give you some advice, etc. It "may" give him a reason at least to get up and take care of them. And if you get something like tomatoes, be sure and use them and tell him how much better they are than the ones you get from the store, etc. And if you get too many, give them to friends and tell him how much they appreciate them, etc. If there is any way possible for a greenhouse, that would be even better. It sounds like he's majorly depressed and feels he has no reason to live or purpose in life. But I would definitely get him to a doctor and see if the doctor would put him on an antidepressant irregardless. Good luck!!
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This is a difficult situation because the pain makes him want to not move so that he can avoid it. If you put him on stronger medications then it will affect him mentally. It's such a sad situation.
My mom has a very bad knee. She walks straight legged because it is too painful to bend it. The doctor said that due to her dementia he does not recommend her having surgery on it because it could cause her to progress in the disease much more quickly. Currently she is on acetaminophen 4 times a day but it doesn't seem to help with the pain. I also use spray Icy Hot on it. Her knee is basically bone on bone. I'm thinking that eventually my mother will be in your father's situation and it saddens me.
I think the suggestion of trying to get him interested in something in his room might help to motivate him to do something other than lay in bed.
Do you have a hospital bed in his room. That way he can press a button and the bed will move so that maybe he could at least watch TV. It might be too painful for him to even move in bed. Poor man.
I hope you are able to find some solution for his aches and pains.
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My mom always had big flower gardens and took care of the outside of our house. Now I get her little flowering houseplants and she loves them. Get your dad an herb garden or get him to help with indoor plants to make him feel useful. Start some plants from seed, study up on germinating them inside. Maybe do some inside growing that you could give away to others, to help them. That's all I can think of. But I would also get him checked out for depression. Some kind of medication might help him adjust to the changes in his life.
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I don't know what you can do if he chooses not to get up and about. If he continues to lie in bed, his circulatory system will suffer from it. But it seems that he may have lost the will to live. Is your father a religious man? I wonder if some of his spiritual friends might be able to pick him up some. Is his pain management working for him? I wish I could think of something that might work, but friends and pain management are the only things I can think of, and I know how difficult both can be at our parents' age.
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He was a busy farmer all his life. All interests are outdoors beyond his abilities He says there is just nothing to do. He is eating well and responsive. Just extremely sedentary.
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Do you go on his doctors visits? Tell his doctor about his behavior when you go. Could be serious depression and there are meds for that. What does dad say? Is he eating well and does he respond normally to you? Does he engage with other people when they approach him directly? Does he have any interests?
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