How do I help mom control her spending if I don't have Power of Attorney?

Follow
Share

She is writing checks without realizing what is in her account.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
9

Answers

Show:
As a daily money manager, I often help older adults to understand what money is coming in, and what is going out, and then we put a budget together. I also help them to reconcile their accounts at the end of the month (or do it for them). You might try this and see if it helps.

Sheri
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Start a conversation with bare, unemotional facts. Such-and-such a check bounced. Such-and-such expenses were paid and there's only so-and-so much left. You'll see where her head is in a conversation like that.

If you find yourself in the realm of emotions, not facts, take it easy. Realize that she will feel judged (and you're probably judging her!). Make your emotion-based statements about yourself ("I'm worried....") not about her ("You're making bad decisions...")

Stay on her side. Both of you want the future to go well. And take it one step at a time.

Good luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

The only way that you can help directly with her accounts is to have a PoA or become a "signer" on her checking accounts. My Mom did her own billl paying until recently. I now pay her bills...I use the online bill-pay which saves so much time and there is a way to monitor her accounts for her.
If your Mother is of sound mind and does not want your assistance, I do not think there is much you could do. Have you spoken with her about your concerns? Is she conciously overspending or does she not have awareness of what she is spending? Either way, I can see that this could become a big problem.
good luck,
Lilli
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

take her to the doctor. In private speak with her doctor. Hopefully the doctor will write or fax a letter to the Soc. Sec. office stating she is Not competant to handle her medical or money finances. The Soc. Sec. will make an appointment Not including her. Bingo, Become an Authorized Representative. Take the Acceptance letter to the bank. She or NO ONE will be able to get the money except the Authorized Rep. This protects her. FYI: you will have to keep all receipts, IRS will send you a form at the end of the year asking How much money was spent on Meds, Rent, and how much money is left. DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY should be consider while waiting.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'll be the devil's advocate on this one. I have a sister that tried to control my mother's enjoyment of retirement by telling her not to travel, go out to eat or even play bingo. These expenses would lessen her inheritance. She also had our mother take a second mortgage out to help her live above her means. So as long as your mother is of sound mind, not being swindled or giving her money away needlessly, it's really not your place to control her spending.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother is at risk of being swindled, spending what she doesn't have and is in the beginning stages of dementia. It is for her safety that I am concerned about, not her money.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I wrote without looking at your page...I am sorry...you need to seek legal advice....my mother was diagnosed with AD/dementia at an early stage and she was much too trusting...getting a POA while your mother is still competent is very important...good luck and I apologize for being judgemental
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

i am working as part time caregiver of mom with less than 85 hrs a month paid by the in-home supportive services or IHSS. However, due to her very ripe age and incapacitated condition, i do service her round the clock for her safety. Now that i am so much exhausted and drained of my strength due to my permanent and stationary disability, hence i am planning to just service her maybe 12 or 14 hrs in a day so i could take care of my health. But what worries me is how could my mother be able to move for the remaining hours that i am not around her ? I suggested to her that it would be better for her to stay in a nursing facility if this is the case but she refuses. What will i do inorder to convince her and will i be responsible for my mother just in case . I have never neglected her anyway but the only thing i am shortening my service with her is to protect myself from being sick too ...am diabetic, i have knee problem and severe carpal tunnel and neck n back pains as well. Help me, please and thanks.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Bless you for taking such good care of your mother. You are absolutely correct that you must take care of your own health. How did IHSS come up with 85 hours a month? If your mother is not able to stay alone you need to discuss this with the agency. If around-the-clock care is needed and they cannot provide that in her home, then Mom may need a nursing facility. What is the nature of your mother's impairments? Is she of sound mind? What kind of assistance does she need?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions