My sister-in-law is the POA . My 96 year old father-in-law still lives in his home. She gives my husband 100.00 weekly to buy her dad food. We live closer. We usually go through the money 6-7 days since my FIL is fussy so it’s mostly takeout. We tell SIL that the money is finished but it takes her and her husband 4/5 days into the next week to produce more money despite my husband's reminders.
I don’t want to be involved but it’s cutting into our funds. We’re asking that she pay every Saturday so this doesn’t happen.
Of course, I’m the mean one to constantly have to bring this up while my sister-in-law sits home doing nothing.
My sister in-law never worked and her husband is retired. My husband works full time.
If they don’t follow this schedule then I have to get involved since my husband backs off from arguments with his sister.
Am I wrong to insist in this schedule?
I don’t think I am. My husband isn't seeing or realizing that his sister could do more.
Of course he feels bad for his dad.
This is a win win for both of you. You don't have to bug and she doesn't have to keep withdrawing money. And thats how I would approach it.
Where does Dad eat that it cost $100 a week? My husband and I eat out a lot. We share the meals we buy because there is so much. Dad should have leftovers. Or, does he eat them for lunch?
Take out, pizza , You spend 10.00 a day just on dinner. Some days we buy bread, lunch meat that lasts a few days.
Its my fil.
We both work , that’s all we can do
it’s mainly my husband that stops in
I just help occasionally, my husband helped me when my dad was not well.
He needs more of a weekly shopping order but that’s for the POA to figure out . My fil can’t prepare , heat, or microwave due to poor eyesight
Or does he feel other options could be explored?
That may decide the direction.
His parents gave her POA since she was considered the smart one. Boy did she fool them
I had POA for my dad but he was in a nursing facility for two years. Life isn’t easy and my sil is discovering that fact
thanks for the responses
Of course this is too much for hubs. He just wants to get home after a day at work.
It sounds very stingy & controlling to withhold the food money & just awful to have to have to hassle/beg every week for it.
I can feel your resentment from what you write - understandable! It would be a reasonable request to state 'this is not working for us' & suggest the credit card instead.
I wonder if it is a trust issue?
What's the relationship like between these two - brother (your DH) & sister (POA)?
Also, can I ask, who actually pays for Dad's food? Dad? In which case Sister POA can regig to pay direct (leaving out the middle step of your bank account).
Or does sister pay from her own pocket - causing HER resentment? Causing her to withhold the funds as she doesn't feel she should pay?
Clearer communication between brother & sister would help.
No it’s his money. My fil and sil are financially secure.
I started to get involved accidentally
After seeing his condition you feel for him
My sil has been using the excuse that they take him to his doctors. They haven’t done that since January
Aldo sil and her husband use the excuse that my fil has poor eating habits. When we bring him
a 15 dollar fish dinner he eats the whole thing. He a little fussy but he has an appetite . And he’s often very hungry.
Its a shame this happens in families.Im an only child so I had to care for my dad alone, no excuses and no one to help .
It’s something everyone faces
Thanks for the advice
I would of grab the little POA, pulled her aside and said this is your choice, Buy him Gift Cards to his favorite places to eat or do the ordering and delivery on your end!
Look at her and tell her" you don't want me to make a call do you?"
😂 Why all these nonsense words? Get to the point!
I don’t spend my money on my fil
thats why were demanding that she
reimburse us for anything spent.
This isn’t my responsibility but I see that my husband likes the time he spends with his dad. Sil should be there more but that’s another story
Credit card is in the fathers name but the bill goes directly to POA SIL. Hubby could carry/keep the card in his possession if there is a worry that dad might loss or misuse it.
Hubby should still get and keep the receipts for your safety and SIL
would have a neat statement for her own POA records.
I would make it clear that the games are over and they give you a credit card or debit card that ensures that dad has food or you will have to call the authorities to ensure that he is being protected from her.
Not providing the finances to ensure his wellbeing is a violation of her POA responsibilities. This is serious business and she is committing a crime by making him food unstable by withholding money. She is obligated to make sure that he is paying his bills in a timely manner, she is his representative only because he can not be, but she must act on his best interests, whether she wants to or not.
I’ve thought about that .
I would do that if this situation doesn’t improve.
Hes eating well with us and sil and her husband don’t tell the truth about how often ghey visit
I feel we’re doing the work and holding back on the cash is just not fair. He has next to nothing in his refrigerator.
thank you for responding to my question