How do I handle this?

I have the exact same thing happening to me, except throw in Parkinson's disease. My wife has Capgras syndrome as a result of the many years taking her medications for Parkinson's. My guess is that your husband also has Capgras syndrome. She thinks I'm at least 2 or 3 people and accuses me of trying to impersonate her husband. We are both 68 and have been married 46 years. She's had this psychosis for 3 years but prior to that she's had Parkinson's for 18 years. We've always had a great sex life even with the Parkinson's but the last 3 years it's been nothing. She refuses because she says she doesn't want to cheat on her husband. Occasionally she knows me or see's me - as she puts it, and then she wants to get physical, but she won't do it at our home because she thinks the guys (me) are here. Then she'll go and make plans for us to go to a hotel, but by the time we get ready to go she changes because I'm not her husband. It's a vicious cycle. Anyway, I miss the sex and I've let her know that. She keeps saying she's not going to cheat on her husband (me) and I should find someone to have sex with. I've actually thought about this but the guilt would be overwhelming. To add to the frustration she needs me to help her take a shower because of her physical limitations and I often get aroused which pisses her off. I wish I didn't want or need sex but we've been active, in shape, people over the years and we used to thoroughly enjoy our sex lives. Now it's gone and it drives me crazy. My life sucks because it's like I'm living with a stranger (which is exactly what she often says). The Covid has made things that much worse because we can't do anything to distract us, so we sit here like 2 strangers living as roommates.
I guess I didn't help you with your issues, but when I saw your post, I guess I just wanted to let you know there are other people who have similar issues. I don't really have an answer for you, especially with his sex desire. I just know that my desires are sky high also and I used to have a willing partner, but not anymore. People tell me I have to go along with her and be whoever she thinks I am - play the role - so to speak. That's just making me more frustrated and I hate it. I still love my wife, but there are times when I don't like her very much. Living with dementia is horrible and there is no owner's manual that you can consult to help you deal with the issues. The brain is the last great frontier and the smartest doctors still don't know what it can and can't do. Hang in there. Maybe you can tell your husband you don't have sex with married men. That's what my wife tells me.

Really, who cares 'what type' of dementia your husband is suffering from at this particular moment. All you really DO care about is that he has sky high sexual desires and you do not. This is known as Inappropriate Sexual Behavior or ISB. There ARE medications to calm down his appetite, so to speak. Talk to his doctor right away about YOUR needs and please do not forget that your husband is not the only one here who's 'important'. He's not the only one who matters, because he has dementia of some kind. YOU matter too. If you are not interested in being sexually touched, then tell him NO. Sleep in a different room and lock the door if necessary. Just because he has a mental disorder does not make it okay for him to be aggressive towards you after you have said the word NO.

There is very obviously something wrong with your husband, mentally, if he believes he is living with two different people, while both are YOU. You don't need to see the results of a MoCa test to realize he's suffering from some kind of dementia. The MoCa test WILL help, to some degree, at least to get a baseline established as to what stage of the disease he's at right now. Assume that his executive brain function is quite impaired and leave it at that.

Call his doctor, get him on some meds if possible, and go from there. And sleep in a separate bedroom for the time being, that's my suggestion.

GOOD LUCK!

Another thought, adding to JoAnn, if you’re too miserable with this, and it’s sounding that way, you can try calling the neurologist’s nurse, telling him/her what’s going on and asking if there’s any possible help prior to the appointment. Maybe there’s a med to try or the possibility of moving appointment up

So sorry that you are struggling with this. I hope that you find solutions soon.

I love JoAnn’s suggestion.

Write everything down. When you get to the neurogist ask the receptionist to give him your notes. This helps the doctor with the questions he will ask ur husband. I made my notes short and sweet. I typed them using 14 font and one pg only. Something like...

Thinks I am 2 people, one his wife

Sexual desires high

So on and so on

There is no rhyme or reason to Dementia. You have to kind of go with the flow. When it comes to two of you, sometimes a person suffering from Dementia remembers the younger person. They have no idea who this older version is. The mind is alk scrambled.

You need to find out what Dementia he has so it can be treated properly. There are medications that may help in the early stages but really have no effect in later stages. Even though Alzheimers falls under the Dementia umbrella it effects the brain totally different.

Once you know what Dementia ur DH suffers from, read up on it.