She wants to go for drive, go shopping (which ended in embarrassment for the clerk, me, and our companion), and generally be attended to. Calming medication doctor prescribed has no effect. We have no senior daycare facility near me and part time companions are scarce (and expensive)! Her memory erases any learning experiences so it is an ongoing problem of ignoring her and watching her stew! I have had great suggestions on this forum, but none seem applicable to my situation. I have a sister-in-law who helps when I ask but she has her own problems, too. I can't blame anyone for not wanting to visit her because she has no memory of the past and just sits silently and responds to questions with "I don't remember." She can be a little mean too! I have managed to stay calm and understanding so far but it is trying!
If finances make it possible, perhaps you should be thinking about Memory Care. If you could set aside a month to spend a decreasing amount of time in MC, you could make sure that she becomes used to carers there. You could take her to activities there, with occasional shopping trips– she may not realise the shopping drops off and the in-house activities dominate. It seems that she will forget anyway. Do your best to make sure she is happy, but don’t ruin the rest of your own life permanently.
Word finding can be hard. Sometimes it's just easier for the brain to find a short sentence like "I don't know".
You are the memory keeper for two now. ❤️❤️
Please let us know what the lawyer advises you to do.
Have you tried giving her busy work? Like folding towels every day? Maybe other household chores that may or may not need to be done but will keep her hands and hopefully mind busy? Polishing the silver?
I would also consider moving together into assisted living. You'll get some help and some company when you go to meals and activities. Choose a place like my mom's AL that has memory care as well so the transition will be easier.
Best of luck.
Good luck!
She has always had an introverted personality and didn't like making new friends. With her affliction, she can be downright nasty to people. She and I were never especially close, to my disappointment... I'm opposite personality and enjoy people and making new friends. The busy hands method doesn't work. Her attention is so short, she folds a few pieces correctly, wads up a few, then quits. Her reply to everything is "I don't know", "I didn't do it", "I don't know what happened to it". I wouldn't be surprised if some of it is fake, but I don't really think so. Meals are a problem. She never knows what she wants to eat, but if I fix something she doesn't like, she won't eat it! She sometimes forgets how to use a fork, and several other motions with feeding herself. If she picks up a sandwich, she uses only one hand and I have to remind her to use both hands. But with some other things, she is OK. She responds normally if I ask her simple questions, but she can't tune the TV or use the phone properly...she asks ne to make her coffee and then she forgets to drink it. Same with a soft drink or glass of milk.
If she has to go to a nursing home, and I suspect she may sometime... I will remain at home and savor my independence!
Thank you for support and concern!...and a sympathetic ear.
Thank goodness for day-care! After I learnt the boo-hoo display at the door stopped before I even reached my car, trusted the child was safe, was engaged, occupied & happy, wow.
Opmph. Hit to my gut. Was I a bad Mother? Unable to provide for all her needs? No! The child needed a village now.
I KNOW Arkie there is no adult day-care near you. An aide coming to your home may not necessary work (be available, affordable etc) plus she will still shadow YOU unless you go out.
Longer term, have you got plans?
Is there a MC home nearby? Somewhere your wife could stay Mon-Fri, be occupied, entertained & you brought her home for weekends?
plus, a poorly staffed Area Agency on Aging. I have heard that if she was on Medicaid, we might be able to arrange for in-home nursing care. I am about ready to talk to my senior care lawyer to get details.
She will acclimate better before she becomes totally lost in space.
Might be time to make some hard decisions, she will not get better and you won't get any younger.
There she will be around other folks like her and the facility will have appropriate activities for her to do to keep her "busy."
It sounds like to me that you're in a bit of denial when it comes to your wife OldArkie. Do you honestly believe that you'll be able to keep this up much longer and do you honestly believe that you can keep her home until she dies?
At this rate you're going to be in the 40% of caregivers who die before the one they're caring for. And then what will happen with your wife?
Please take care of yourself and do what is best for you both.
Your wife wanting to be entertained is a temporary problem. This stage will pass and another stage, most likely worse, will take its place.
Think long term. Have you considered relocating to where services and support are available?. Eventually, you won't be able to do all the things you are doing right now for yourself and your wife and you will need help.
Back to your current and temporary problem, wife wanting to be entertained, if you have considered all the suggestions you received from your previous thread and none of them would work, then you only have two options. One is to continue enduring her nagging, and gnoring her requests. I suspect you are getting very good at this by now. Two is to ask her doctor for stronger calming med. If the med makes her sleep more, less active and zombie-like, so be it. Your sanity and survival are much more important.
After a particularly trying several days, I came back to re-read comments. Yours are especially inciteful, as though you had been there! Moving to another location is beyond my financial ability, and I would lose what little support and companionship I get from my few family members. (In-laws... my son and wife are for some reason, oblivious to my problems). We sit in front of the TV all day with very little communication and NO emotion. Several times she will announce, "let's go get something to eat". She really just wants to go for a drive and I take her a couple times a day but as a result, I get very little of my housekeeping obligations done. She is at the minute insisting I tell her what I am writing about.
She may need an additional med, a higher dose or a different class of drugs altogether.
I seem to recall you were hesitant about medication.
So sorry your problem seems to be continuing. Is she seeing a Neurologists? Meds can be hit and miss. Maybe the one she is being given doesn't work for her. Maybe another one will help.
I am so sorry you are going through this.