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He moved out of his house of 60 years and into assisted living 10 minutes from my house about one year and 4 months ago. He was unable to manage a home or his meds or financials.


His geriatric physician tried some meds for depression but he had a terrible reaction and had to stop them. I have another call into them to get recommendations.


I am working full time, have a grown child with Borderline Personality Disorder and she and our 2 grandkids also live with my husband and me.


I have kindly set boundaries as he often tries to guilt me into being with him every day -- which I can not physically or mentally do. He resists anyone else coming in (of course). Any and all suggestions greatly appreciated!

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My father says he is dying all the time. He has been 'dying' since my mom passed away in 2003. For him it is purely attention seeking. He wants you to feel bad for him and make a big deal about reassuring him.
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Designerdougfan Apr 7, 2019
Thanks so much for your response!
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Many elderly people say quite bluntly that they have had a good life and are ready for it to end. It can be quite reasonable and realistic, and doesn’t necessarily indicate depression or suicidal intentions. Perhaps you just accept it, and continue to do the best you can. You could use the comments as a trigger for conversations about his ‘good life’ up to now.
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Designerdougfan Apr 7, 2019
Thanks so much for your response and your perspective.
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Thank you. I will find a geriatric psychiatrist.
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If he is threatening to harm himself, then, I'd report it to the staff a the AL facility and his doctors. They may need to determine if he is safe in his present environment or needs more supervision. Your profile indicates that he has dementia. Do you think that he needs a higher level of care? Sometimes that can be an issue. My LO was not coping well in a regular AL due to her dementia.

You say that your father puts demands on you for time and attention. If he's in a proper setting, his needs should be being met by the staff, with your job being visiting and loving him. Not taking care of all kinds of other things.

My LO, who also has dementia, would tell me that she needed me because she was sacred, confused and needed my support. That's why she was so insistent on seeing me. The brain does strange things and the patient struggles to cope. Their capacity to empathize with our schedule or understand that we also have lives to live is non-existent.

Medication really helped my LO. Maybe, they just have to keep trying to find one or a combination of ones that help your father. Can you get him to a geriatric psychiatrist?
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