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I gave up my high-paying job and career in Manhattan and moved to Florida to take care of my very elderly mom. My sister, who lived 15 minutes away, refused to do it and even moved out of town for a while. I moved over 2 years ago and work full-time for a lot less money. My sister is constantly criticizing my efforts. My mom's doctor is very happy with her health progress. I have POA which makes my sister angry because she has demanded money.

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Why do children think the parents money is theirs and expect it to be handed over? Your POA requires you to oversee Moms finances. Like said, you are responsible for making sure there is money for her car. Please make sure you keep good records. For me Moms bank account showed all her bills. If I charged something for her I paid myself back with a check keeping the receipt for my records showing the check no. I used. She received a small pension. That I used for personal needs, like meds and Depends. I kept all these receipts in a separate envelope keeping a running total. Sometimes I had to carry over money left to the next month. The way it sounds your sister will eventually question your handling of Moms money. Keep all bank statements to show where the money went. My bank charges a small fee to get copies of my checks printed on the statement. This helps to prove what was paid.
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"I have a legal obligation to safeguard Mom's money for her own care."

"Well, that is an interesting perspective. I'll discuss your idea with her doctor next week."
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CM you are so funny, I had this visual of (this) sit and spin. A twofold, their IQ as well.
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What are your sister's criticisms? - I assume they're not anything like "Evil Cruella Sister has POA and won't give me mother's money just because I ask for it."

I mean, if they *were* along those lines presumably you'd have no difficulty telling her to sit on [this] and spin, right? So what is she doing or saying that is hard to handle?
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Your sister's criticizing and demands for money do not need to influence anything you are currently doing or necessarily need to do in the future. She's making noise. Quiet it in your mind and focus on what your plans are for caring for your mother's needs as well as your own. Whatever money your mother has will need to be allocated for payment of her continuing care. If sis asks for money, inform her it is already tagged for other things. When she becomes critical, remind her that mom's doctors seem satisfied with your plans. I'm sorry your sister isn't helpful or more supportive. Unfortunately that seems common. It sounds like you're doing a good job. Remember to take care of yourself.
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Sounds like it is about the money to your sister. This is true far to often. Make sure you have a caregiver agreement with mom and get paid for taking care of her, if she can afford it. This will help you when mom passes and sister wants half of everything, or more. Sister need not know!

I would tell sister that ALL of moms money is hers and hers alone, you never know what the future holds and it could cost mom care if she gives away anything now and then needs Medicaid assistance in the future, they do a 5 year look back and will not pay for services that mom could have paid for if she hadn't given money away.

I would make it all about mom and her wellbeing, nothing you say about what sister did or did not do will change her. It will only cause you more stress, that you don't need or deserve. You can be proud of what you sacrificed to be there for your mom, you are a daughter that anyone would be proud and thankful to have.

Ignoring ignorance is the best method I have found, if I respond and get upset has the ignorant gained their goal, yes! If she cared about anyone besides herself she would be helping you with mom and not trying to make it harder. Focuse on mom and you and protect both of you in anyway required. I have seen the need for restraining order to protect the elderly from their own children financially exploiting them through threats and intimidation. Not saying your sister but, you know her and what it will require to be protected.

The ones doing nothing always criticize the ones in the trenches, so if you can just ignore her and know you do the best you can.

Best of luck with this trying situation.

God bless you for all you do for your mom.
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