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Mom is in SNF and is a fall risk. She said she buzzes for help to take her to the bathroom and she has to wait and therefore wets herself. I know she feels humiliated, but I don't want to make a big fuss, because I know these facilities are understaffed. She has dementia. Everytime I visit (3-4 times a week), she's always clean and the staff are always pleasant and they seem really patient with the residents (back rubs, joking, soft pats). How do I handle this?

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If your mom can plan ahead, she should use the call bell at the 1st inclination she needs to go, not wait until it’s too late. She also can be put on a toileting schedule, which is usually 4 times a day.
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If not wearing depends, now is the time. They should be toileting her every two hours. Ask if that is being done. If she drinks coffee maybe she should cut back. At least you understand that these aides are overwork.
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Does she not wear an incontinence product? It is an inevitable fact of life that those who can't toilet independently are going to have to wait, and those who can't wait are going to wet themselves. I think the best you can hope for is that they do still toilet her on a schedule, which should minimize the accidents. Reassure your mom that she doesn't need to be humiliated, the aides are used to dealing with it and no doubt everyone else there is just like her.
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