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I can't send him to his room or deny him privileges! He has carried on for up to half an hour on several occasions, about things he doesn't like, such as: he doesn't like the present home aide, and I didn't consult him before choosing her (I had no choice of whom to get either - it was her or noone). He wouldn't stop yelling at me and repeating the same issues over and over. He wore me down until I promised to replace her. The next day - he volunteered that she was very nice!

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It's possible your LO may be "Sundowning". Here is a helpful article:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/sleep-issues-sundowning?gclid=CjwKCAjwkN6EBhBNEiwADVfya0Vc1v3wd7WWinZmfDRqwbo6951DE_FPbglUjPPcfaE5vbp_yGhmMBoC5VYQAvD_BwE
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My MIL pitches a fit every time DH goes to see her.

There's no reasoning or even talking when she's like this.

He pats her on the back, says "I'll come back some day when you feel better" and he walks away.

Just in this last year has he come to realize that trying to deal with her in a normal adult manner was pointless.
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See if there is a medication he can take for this agitation.

Nothing u really can do. My daughter, a rehab/nh RN, lives 4 houses down. When my Mom would get like this, I called her and she calmed her down. I guess for your sanity, walk away. Let him grumble and just go on the way things are. Do not makes changes based on this tirade.
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Every day it’s the same here. In-home care started a few weeks ago. So every day at 1pm, when the PSW leaves, my mother comes over to tell me she is great and then she returns late afternoon to tell me how horrible she was. Every frickin’ day. For 20-60 minutes. At least I know what the subject will be.

Sundowning. So frustrating. Vehemently denies having said she liked her at 1pm.

Before she had the PSW to complain about, she’d come over angry at her MIL (dead 53 years) or SIL (also dead).

If she gets particularly nasty I’ll escort her away. But I know we’ll repeat it all tomorrow.
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This is typical behavior for dementia patients. My MIL does the same thing and is quite belligerent towards us when expressing her displeasure with the complaint of the day. We given up trying to reason with her. When she becomes abusive, we just shut down the conversation. Her doctor recently subscribed medication to keep her calm but not drugged. Hope it works.
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Try diversion. Can you change the subject, or just walk away to do something else? You might start by acknowledging his feelings, but as you've found out, they can change daily.
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My wife loves her ice cream. When she even begins to act up, I either threaten to not let her have any ice cream that day or not buy any more.

This may seem cruel to some, but when aides go home crying because of her treatment of them, I have to step in so they all don't quit with out notice.

When you find something that works keep with it until it no longer works.
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geddyupgo May 2021
garylee: Your response made me giggle. Several years ago as the Admissions director of a STR/LTC I used to visit sending hospitals to review charts and see what patients might be coming our way. One hospital unit had an excellent but no nonsense head nurse. I'd been reading records for about 45 min during which I and the rest of the floor had been serenaded by the howls, screams and expletives from a patient who was complaining about ..... everything. 4 CNAs and 2 RNs had left her room after being reduced to tears. So Ms No Nonsense announces "she's going in". Well the screams and expletives got louder but then suddenly stopped. Absolute silence. We looked at each other in wonderment and concern. Had Ms No Nonsense nurse lost it and smothered the naughty patient? We got our answer when she came beelining it back to the nurse's station, grabbed the phone and told them "I need two cups of chocolate ice.....STAT!" We all fell out but it worked!!
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Imho, be happy for the little things, e.g. "he volunteered that she was very nice!"
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