How do I handle 85 year old parent that says nasty things to her daughter when arguing, always threatens me to leave and take money away?
She blames me for things she says? I moved back and left my life I had in Rhode Island (35yrs) to move back n take care of HER! I Dont work except twice a week (I entertain) when she's good shes great n so loving BUT when she gets in her episodes she's just WICKED! N I hate her! The things that comes out of her mouth is AMAZING!!!😮 I moved away because of that n also she use to drink not anymore. I know she had a pretty bad life n her bringing up was not the best nor great. Even when she got married. My dad past away a year ago n my youngest brother died 8yrs ago in a very TRAGIC accident. Right now we r not talking to each other. I wish I never moved back she begged me with her sad n loving voice to come home n I did!!!! N now ...... I have anxiety every time she gets a little mad I wanna throw up! I try to avoid confrontation but it seems like she just cant shut her mouth!!!! Just blames me for everything!!!!!! Im so sick n of it n she always says im sorry! I take the blame even if I dont know what I did. I hold everything in but yesterday was it. I know its not Christian like to do that. I thank God I pray and go to church cause I know He is there helping me. Butttttt its so hard!
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Call Office of Aging for resources. Transportation, meals on wheels, aides. Get al your info together. Maybe even start some of it. Tell Mom its time to return to RI. She needs to take advantage of what is available. That you cannot take the abuse and its time to go.
https://www.mauicountyadrc.org
Your mother lives in a tiny city on a small island in Hawaii.
You sadly lost your father one year ago, only.
Your bereaved mother felt that she needed your support and asked you to come home to care for her.
Agreeing to do that was not a bad idea. Your mother did need your support, and you were willing to give it. But making it permanent... that's just not working.
How difficult would it be to reverse the process and return to your own life? What practical support does your mother in fact need? What are her health issues? What services and/or facilities are available for her? Is anything stopping you going home to RI and picking up where you left off?
It's only a year, and I wouldn't have thought it would be too late. But this isn't about "punishing" your mother for her unkindness, or abandoning her to her fate. It's just about recognising that you had a plan, it isn't working, so you and she need to make a different plan.
For myself, I would not want to live with a mean person but I could probably put up with some misbehavior for a limited amount of time if the person had dementia and couldn't help it. Has your mom always been kind of impossible? Could it be time to move out and try to assist her from a safe distance?
I hope you can find some good strategies for this situation!