How do I grieve a loss, while still being supportive emotionally and taking care of her husband and myself?

I am sorry for your loss.

I think talking about the lost loved one is cathartic and a great way to process your grief and be supportive of someone that is probably hurting worse then you.

Remember her funny sayings, her quirks, the best of her and laugh through the tears.

I pray that you both are given grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time. May The Lord bless you.

Tammyrex121277: Imho, perhaps you would find a grief support group in your area helpful. I am sorry for your loss and send condolences.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. In our American culture we don’t talk about death or grief so when it shows up we don’t know how to handle it. Be sure to go through your grief in your own way. It will be easier then to help him deal with his own. Sometimes grief is better expressed and experienced when it is witnessed and shared, and it sounds like your friend is one of those folks.

The other day I saw the term ‘grief bombs’, which is where the most innocuous event brings out tears of grief. Maybe seeing the loved one’s favorite food in a grocery store. I experience this over my brother who is in a nursing home with hospice due to a terminal brain tumor. I don’t resist it, but instead experience it and it’s over quickly. We all experience grief differently. If you make room for your own it should be easier to make room for his. It’s not an either/or situation.

Please consider joining a grief group like GriefShare to deal with your grief. If might also help him to attend a grief group at another time.

How hard this must be for both of you, and I send you my deepest condolences. Everyone handles grief differently and for different periods of time. You prefer to process your grief alone, the husband does not. Perhaps a practical way to handle this while you are working is to change the routine up. Introduce new meals, play some music that is not reminiscent of the loved one, take time to go outside and get fresh air while you can - the change in scenery and being out in the sun can help. Introduce a hobby the husband may in interested in, a puzzle, indoor gardening, crafts, anything to distract him so as to give him a short respite from his loneliness will be helpful. In working together on these distractions, you will be helping each other by getting though the day in different ways than before. I wish you comfort as you move through your grief together & alone.

He might welcome you talking to him about the passing of his wife.
You and maybe him too should talk with a grief counselor.

Thank you everyone for your answers. My friend that lost his wife and I, are getting through it. It's just difficult because he doesn't want to be alone and yet I prefer to be alone with my grief. To answer someone's question, yes I believe in God and the afterlife. I know she's in heaven with her Mom and Dad and she's happy and pain free. I am selfish though and wish she was still here.

Tammy - I am sorry for your loss. I highly recommend you join a grief support group. People there have gone or are going through grief of losing loved ones so they understand what you're going through and can help you cope.

Sorry for your loss. Grieving takes time. Give yourself time and help the husband as you can and do what you usually do to care for him, which may mean putting your grief aside for the moment to do what needs to be done. This is still so new, the raw pain will start to fade a bit as time passes.

I think you share the grief, though that is not always easy as we each grieve differently. The price of love is almost always and eventually grief. I think the way we deal with grief is the way we deal with some awful diagosis, terminal cancer, blindness. We deal simply because we have absolutely no choice other than putting one foot in front of the other until time dulls or changes the grief into good memories of much love given and received. I am so sorry for your loss. Not everything in life has an answer. I hope you have support, or a faith or belief that sustains you. Don't try to sidestep grief; it will come for you no matter where you hide. Allow it in and understand that tears can help to wash pain from us and allow the joy that the one you loved would have wished for you.