How do I get through the days when all my father does is yell and scream at me?

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Even the seraqual doesn't seem to calm my father and all he does is yell and scream at me. I know it's the disease, but the days get harder and harder. I'm at the point that I don't want to wake up anymore, because I dread the day ahead of me. I try being calm with him; I try talking to him gently, but he's so angry, almost violent. What do I do? Help please!

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Bobbie321 is spot on. My mother's behavior improved and confusion decreased after her new Dr took her off all psychotropics. The Dr told me "Those drugs have no place in the lives of the elderly." She is much better without psychotropic drugs and with behavior therapy. Yes, she still yells, pinches, pulls hair, hits & kicks, but now she knows my name. And these behaviors decrease when pain and bowel issues are decreased or resolved. Often she is acting this way out of frustration with her body. If pain is controlled and the bowels are regularly moving, she is much better behaviorally. I urge you to explore whether or not your yeller is in pain of some kind, and if so, explore options for pain control with the Dr, but try to avoid drugs like Darvocet, as these may increase behaviors as well.
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Interesting question. I'm going to post my response on your wall.
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I would be interested in finding out how many women in prison, had a father that was absent. I'll bet the numbers would be staggering. Thanks to the so called 'womens movement' they have demeaned the need for a male role model so much, that most girls don't even know what a healthy relationship with a father is. After all, why do we need a dad, when the mom is so important right? You sure can't look to Hollywood to see a healthy male role model. All men are either sex addicts, stupid, or henpecked. It's disgraceful.
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Secret Sister,

You asked "Why is it that women take such abuse?"

If I might be so bold, I think it has something to do with how women are raised vs how men are raised.

From my own family of origin stuff and much of what I've read here, it sounds like mothers with certain personality types, ( disorders), end up training their children, usually daughters, to take their abuse so they can control them and then later on in life they put up with abuse from others not because they like it but because they are familiar with it.

I've yet to see a book explaining the Borderline father because most of them are dead or in prison. It often is the combination of a borderline mother plus a weak father that trains children, particularly girls, to live with such overt and covert abuse as borderline mothers and narcissistic mothers can dish out. When my wife and I started dating, I could not believe the abuse she and her twin sister put up with from their "mommy dearest mother."

This is one reason so many daughters are walking on eggshells in the midst of some really thick F.O.G. I would be amiss to not include the fact that fathers can be very abusive and delivered either overtly or covertly. I would include too that society seems to expect women to put up with more and to do the caring for the elderly parents more than otherwise.

Ok, this is my sociological analysis for tonight.
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That's what we need, Ed - a voice of reason, and a gentleman who recognizes abuse when he sees it. Why is it that women take such abuse? Me, being one who took more than I should have. Our abusers teach us to fear them. It works...until we've had enough, or get some help. Keep coaching, Ed! Thank you!
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NAHEATON:

When I said Dutchess of Discipline, I meant Rachel. My apologies for the "senior moment."

-- ED
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NAHEATON:

Chloroform? Splendid idea. He needs to be sedated -- or given a regular dose of his own medicine. I'm not suggesting you turn into a Dutchess of Discipline, including a whip. But he needs to be stopped or exiled to some nursing home until he realizes that kind of behavior isn't going to be tolerated anymore.

Rachel dear, stop being a punching bag. He keeps getting away with it because you let him out of sheer guilt. Take charge, and get your self-respect back. After that, everything else is gravy.

Stay sane.

-- ED
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so sorry - i have my mom now at 79 with dementia she is doing ok adjusting - was crying alot and shaking - would have to watch americas funniest videos at least 10 x a day to get her mind of whatever was making her sad- also would play elvis presly- now only have to watch it becasue we want to- but if she gets uncontrollable i will put her in home-not fair to my hubby and i know if she knew she was going to be like that she would understand-i told my kids dont put me in a home please unless i am out of control- i would not want to make them miserable and i know my mom doesnt want that either - good luck!
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Ditto to Hollyhill's point about not raising my voice to my father when he is upset or agitated. I have to try hard to control myself and keep my voice calm ( or else leave the room for a cooling down period). If I keep my voice calm, that goes a long way toward keeping him calm. Sometimes easier said than done! The other day I forgot and "lost it" and spoke in a loud angry tone to him----Wow, did that ever make it worse! He started to "go nuts." I hope I've learned my lesson now.
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So, Rachel, has Monday happened yet? Was the appointment helpful? How are you doing now? I agree with the others that say you mustn't let feelings of guilt make you keep your father in your home. You have other responsibilities too [don't you feel guilty about perhaps neglecting them? - just teasing you :-) ] and probably nobody but YOU can best deal with those responsibilities whereas care workers can look after your dad fulltime and you can go for visits. By looking after your dad you may be doing things to others in your family that you may regret (and feel guilty about) later. I don't want that for you! I hope if medication doesn't help your dad settle down that you will move him out. This won't make you a BAD daughter. Take care.
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