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My aunt was adjusting well until a new resident moved in next door to her. At first, my aunt complained about allergies to the woman's therapy dog. Now, they are "best friends" and the dog sits between them in the lobby. The new resident, I am told, is determined to go home, and she has planted the idea in my aunt's head that they can make this happen. They spend all day plotting about who could pick them up, how they could leave and even the possibility of living together. My aunt has called former care providers, DSS and who knows who else, asking that someone come get her because she's being "held against her will." In reality, she has been told by her doctors that it's not safe for her to live alone. She's from a rural area, doesn't drive, has been told not to cook, has hallucinations and called 911 many times while at home to report non-existent intruders, can no longer manage her finances, and has difficulty with medication management. She makes daily threats to change her POA, tells anyone who will listen that she's "going home today" but she is completely incapable of living alone. The new resident fuels this behavior, and my aunt, who never uttered a curse word, has begun to pick up the filthy vocabulary of her new friend. Is there any recourse with the facility for accepting this new resident who is such a bad influence? I've been told the woman was asked to leave her previous facility for similar behavior. Prior to the new resident's arrival, my aunt, while reflective about home, was starting to acclimate to her new surroundings. Any thoughts?

I have to agree with others here - your hands are tied as far as legal action, but there are some actions you can take, like talking to the director of the facility to see if there's away your aunt can spend less time with this person - I would approach it from the viewpoint that this person is putting thoughts into your aunt's head that are causing her distress, which is triggering the phone calls, etc.

I'd also say that perhaps it's time your Aunt doesn't have access to a phone. I know someone whose father was in a NH and somehow found the NH administrator's home phone number and started calling her at night (usually around 2am) and raising cain with her about his being kept there against his will and making threats. They finally had to take his phone away. I had to make the same step with my father, when his between-dialysis toxin levels would get too high and affect his thinking. These situations can get a little ugly if the wrong phone call is made.

I hope you can make some headway on this - I know it must be a hard thing to deal with.
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Reply to AnonymousMember
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First, I would take the phone away from the Aunt. Its not fair she is calling these places. I would mention it to administration but they both probably have Dementia. Not much that can be done. I know, you are the one who has to deal with it. Maybe when she says a "nasty" word , tell her its not a nice thing to say. If she tells you about her plans, don't contradict her just smile and say nice. There was a lady in Moms AL that would tell the new residents that she wasn't getting her meds or fed. Which was not true. Not much u can do about others delusions.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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PerplexedNC, I noticed on your profile that your Aunt has Alzheimer's/Dementia, and I am curious how you found out about the master plan that she and her next door neighbor at the facility had planned to leave the facility.

Remember, when it comes to memory issues, it is not unusual for patients to make up stories. And even if she and her new BFF are plotting, that is all they are doing. Her BFF is in Assisted Living for a good reason, too. Doubt they would become Thelma and Louise, except in their minds.

In the whole scope of things, your Aunt could have a new next door neighbor who is a bully, so the current situation would seem like a walk in the park by comparison. Thus, I would just let it be.
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Reply to freqflyer
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www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/c-difficile/symptoms-causes/syc-20351691

Everyone in every facility, I am sure has issues with someone. There would be nobody left is evicted because of being a bad influence. Then what?

My mom was evicted because she became a danger to herself and other. This was physical endangerment, and her mouth got trashy at times too. But that was not the cause for having to go elsewhere.
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What is c-diff?
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Reply to Pepsee
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I don't think there is too much you can do about a room mate except ask for you or them to be moved. probably not much chance of the room mate or aunty escaping. nursing home staff are very fsamiliar with patients trying to escape.
Look on the bright side she has found someone to buddy up with and something to occupy her time. The therapy dog is not a bad addition either.
As Sue C said there is a pretty good chance new friend will be asked to move on again. Make sure senior staff is advised about what is going on and ask their advice about what can be done to ease your worries. Asking nicely always works better than acusing and demanding you want them on your side. If worse comes to worse is there another facility Aunt could be moved to?
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Reply to Veronica91
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It doesn't sound like you would have a "legal" leg to stand on.
This is what the judge would hear;
"My aunt's next door neighbor in the facility is corrupting her by swearing and putting thoughts in her head about going back home."

There is no legal issue here.

I would contact the Director of the facility and the ombudsman for the facility (name and phone number posted in a visible place somewhere in the facility (lobby, sitting room, main hallway, etc.). Explain what's going on and how can they deal with it.
Suggest the neighbor move to another area or offer that your aunt can move to get away from her.
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Reply to SueC1957
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