She went into an independent living facility about eight years ago. Recently she had a fall and is now unable to dress herself or walk. I have been running myself ragged for the past eight years and cannot mentally and physically do it anymore. I take care of my three-year-old grandson (who I adopted) so he comes first. She had very little money to begin with. She has her Social Security and a little savings. We can spread it out to pay her rent for the past eight years. She has enough for one more year. Because of her fall, now she needs to go to assisted-living, which she just doesn’t have the money for. I can’t take her in. If I get an aid for her during the day that brings her money down for another six months. I’m starting to get migraines and I’m afraid for my own health. I just can’t deal with her anymore. I want out of any responsibility and I don’t know how to go about it.
If the latter occurs (that is to say she is incompetent in her own care and best decisions) then you will have ZERO to say about any testing, medical care, placement facilities--virtually about anything. Just so you understand that.
You can try to form a good relationship with the court appointed Fiduciary, asking she be placed near you for visits. They will be responsible for everything including last funds, and applying for Medicaid.
So tell your Mom you cannot go on because of your own health.
Resign if she is competent to receive the resignation.
If she is not currently competent you cannot legally "abandon her" under the law. So you would attend an elder law attorney (at her cost; you are POA and this advice is covered by her funds) and find out through him how to resign your POA, and get the court involved in appointing a fiduciary.
In some areas, in the case of incompetency and you need to resign a POA, APS is very helpful in getting your resignation and in referring to the courts. Have a doctors recommendation that you no longer attempt this care due to medical issues (not their business what those medical issues are). So try APS first, tell them your mom isn't competent and you need to resign.
In all of this I assume that there is no alternative or second appointed as the POA to take over when you can no longer serve.
All of your records should be turned over to the new fiduciary or POA. You should report to banks and other entities that you are no longer POA for your Mom.
Wishing you good luck.
Many people are misinformed about what a POA entails, and it looks like you are one of them. Don't worry, there is an easy out. You resign. You can get forms on the internet to do it - it must be notarized. I don't advise that because you want to make sure your resignation is handled properly according to your own state law. A lawyer is your best bet. It's a simple appointment in his/her office mostly handled by the paralegal. Whatever it costs you is worth it.
In my former state, the person who granted the POA (the grantee), must be notified in writing that you've resigned. The lawyer's office can handle that for you too.
Good luck.
Then you competely stop helping her and report her to APS. They will eventually acquire guardianship for her and transition her into the right level of care, probably at a county facility. All her medical and financial needs will be met and you can visit her all you want.
It will feel bad for a while but then it will get better once she the county gets involved.
Being a POA for someone means that you will step in and do what is best for them in the long run. It DOES NOT mean that you have to do any of the hands on care, but that you make sure that one way or another they are being cared for to the best of your ability.
And the fact that your mom can no longer walk or do her ADL's leads me to believe that she should now be in a skilled nursing facility and not an assisted living facility.
Get a social worker from a SNF that you're interested in to assist you in getting mom placed and they will also when the time comes help her apply for Medicaid, which will take a burden off you.
Whatever you do....DO NOT allow your mom to move in with you!!! Her care is now just too much for just one person. She requires 24/7 care and a team to do it.
No wonder your burned out. You are doing the work of at least 4 or more people and you have to stop. Your immediate family comes WAY before your mom.
So start looking for a SNF in your area ASAP and if need be hire some outside help to come look after mom until she gets placed in it.
And start enjoying and spending time with that precious grandson you have, as they grow up fast and you will never get that time back.
So sorry that you are running yourself ragged. I have grandkids the same age as yours and they are joyous but also quite a handful.
Did she go to rehab after her fall? Such a hard situation. I wish you the best of luck. Enjoy your grandchild. Sorry for whatever situation led to you adopting the little guy.
Some people have allowed their parent to become a ward of the state when their money runs out.
Wishing you all the best.