Hi all...thanks in advance for reading. I am 50 years old, and live in a different state from my mom. She raised me and my brother after her divorce from my dad when we were very little. He was involved with us on weekends, and school holidays. It's sad to say, but I have very few fond memories of my mother. She constantly lived in chaos, all she did was yell, and cry (always about money)..."health concerns" (which were never major), and seek attention from whoever would give it to her (sad). I can remember always consoling her. Don't cry mommy...like I was the mother. She had several failed marriages, and boyfriends after my father, but of course, it was always "their" fault. Anyway, fast forward. She's still the same way. I dread calling her. Every conversation revolves around her health problems, and if she doesn't have one, she'll make one and "TEST" to see who will be there for her. I flew up to see her 5 times in the past 2 years to help her through her medical issues. She's happy in the moment, but reverts back to "my own kids don't care" a month later. I have a severely disabled teenage daughter that I care for. I have help, but not overnight, or for the entire day. She rarely even asks about her, but seems aggravated by the fact that my daughter consumes so much of my time. She's never ONCE offered any support, or sent a little thoughtful gift, and actually asks when I am going to place my daughter in a home. I am so resentful.
Then, she gets so angry at my brother, who works full time and has his own family to take care of. She is actually holding a grudge on him because he didn't sit at the hospital visiting her for hours and hours a day. He did what he could, after work, to visit but she was so miserable and nasty, that he was counting the minutes to leave. All she does is complain about us over and over like a broken record. It's all about her, and her problems, it's always been that way. I guess I'm burned out. I try to give her emotional support by calling 4 times a week, flying to visit her, send her money, pay her phone bill, aside from sitting bedside vigil, and making her feel a priority, she's never satisfied. I called her yesterday, and she started. I finally said..."mom, I didn't call to hear complaints...", and she hung up on me.
Then, the guilt pours in. I don't think I was out of line. What about my sanity? I'm supposed to WANT to call and take care of my mother, but I don't WANT to and I feel terrible about it. It's an obligation, and not a joy.